Don't Hate, Educate

Oh, It's THAT Bad

2011-11-08T20:35:00.000-08:00

When I drove home from my first day of school this year (back from summer vacation), I was cruising along the 580 freeway with the windows down and the stereo blasting. Suddenly a song came on the radio and I really started singing along. My spirit felt uplifted. Then it hit me. Oh, crap! This is that stupid Pina Colada song. What the heck am I doing? I make fun of this song. I have ALWAYS made fun of this song! Now I'm singing along to it, bobbing my head and feeling happy? I have seriously lost it.

First I wanted to blame the students in my class. Thought bubble says, "Well, it WAS the first day back and the kids were tired, I was tired, and it was really hot today too. So the fact that I sang along to the Pina Colada song could have just been pure delirium."

But no matter how many excuses I tried to create for why I would sing the Pina Colada song, it really just didn't quite explain it. I think I have to chalk it up to age. The painful truth.

When I first started teaching I felt like I had my finger firmly on the pulse of pop culture. I prided myself in knowing the latest musical artists, TV shows, even some video games. But I have fallen WAY behind in the last few years. I have no clue what's going on any more with today's youth. I still buy CD's, I still have my paper address book, I prefer a phone call over a text, I know how to (really) type, and I don't have WII, XBox, PlayStation, or Nintendo DS. I think the new "Call of Duty" video game should never be sold to children. I'm old.

Now I find myself listening to an "Oldies" radio station sometimes. "Oldies" are now the songs I listened to in Jr. High and High School. I'm one of those adults that listens to the songs of my youth, replaying memories associated with different songs.
For my parents' generation it was the Four Tops and the Spinners. For me it's the Police, Journey, Fleetwood Mac, and the likes that are now Oldies.

Last weekend I was hanging out with a 20-something year old and she was talking about all the great Hip-Hop music when she was a little kid. Well, she's talking about my favorite era of Hip-Hop (though true music aficionados would never call it "Hip-Hop"). While she was a little kid, I was changing careers, after already burning out on career #1, and listening to the ancient sounds of TLC, R. Kelly (before we knew his preferences), Tevin Campbell, Boyz II Men, Bell Biv Devoe, etc. It made me feel ooooooold. That music is Old School now. In my mind it was just a few years ago. Again, a sign of age.

Once you pass a certain age, old is just old. 10 years might as well be 100. Whenever I play a song for my students at school, I like to quiz them to see if anyone knows the artist. The other day, a student was playing with a rubber band in class, so as I took it away from him I said, "We're gonna call you the Rubberband Man! Does anyone know that song?"

Blank stares.

I break into song with, "The Rubberband, Rubberband Man. Do-do do do do do-do do-do."

Blank stares.

"I'll bring it in tomorrow."

And so I did. When I played it, I asked if anyone knew the group that sings it. Well, as I said, old is old. The first guess is almost always Elvis Presley, then The Beatles. A little before my musical prime, but at least they know that music existed before Justin Beiber.

Finally I explain that it's the Spinners.

They asked to hear it again, so I played it again. My memories of listening to it as a child rushed back to me and remembering my next door neighbor that did a baton routine to it. It's a very catchy tune. The students started singing and dancing along, so much so that we got a call from the teacher next door wondering what all the ruckus was about. It was a great time...and I think I've redeemed myself for singing that darn Pina Colada song. But here it is for all of you dorks!

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

2011-08-16T18:24:00.001-07:00

I'm moving to a classroom that actually has windows and lets in natural light. Imagine that! So, it's a lot of work to pack everything up and move it - even though it's only next door. Schlepping all of my stuff falls under the "I asked for this" category, so I can't complain. The benefits will far outweigh the pain I'm going through now.

I've been really surprised that so many of my colleagues are also at school setting up their classrooms this week. I always end up going in a few days early to get everything done, but a full week? Really? Really.

Being at school a full week before it officially starts seems WRONG. Wrong because no teacher is getting paid for this time. But, we go in early because it's necessary. Really. When I'm not moving rooms, I could probably get by with two extra days of work, but I know that the ONE paid day I get to prepare for students is not enough time. Here's some of what I've done the last two days:

- moved 3 file cabinets and 2 tables
- unbolted a cabinet from the wall and moved it to another wall (thanks J-Mac!)
- scraped crud off the floor with a putty knife
- repaired a table (hammer and nail style)
- beautified numerous walls with colored paper (thank u wallpapering goddess!)
- moved 34 student desks into place
- replaced a few desks that were tagged with the "F word" and "B word"
- ran a 30 foot Ethernet cable to the computer (yes, ETHERNET = public school)

I could go on, but I won't. That there is some serious physical (and time consuming) labor. I'm tired...and there's still more to do. Lots to do in fact. Lots that will have nothing to do with moving rooms. Lesson planning, gathering new materials for the year, and making copies!
Making Copies 3

I have an idea. Why not call a teacher's schedule what it really is? YES, we DO get more vacation time than the average hard-working American, but it's not the three months off that's always being quoted. Our "time off" actually offers many work opportunities! We have trainings to attend, classrooms to clean-up at the end of the year and set-up at the beginning of the year. We grade papers on nights and weekends, and do Report Cards for each student, 3 times a year. (3 x 32 students = 96 reports cards a year; each of these 96 cards have 40 boxes to mark and comments to write.) Really. I'm not complaining. I'm just sayin', let's call it what it is. I'm making the conservative estimate that I spend an additional 15 days of my "time off" doing schoolwork. (I'm leaving teacher trainings out because if it's on your time..."they can try to MAKE you go to trainings and you say NO, NO, NO!" - A.W., RIP)

So let's just put those 15 days on the teacher calendar as acknowledged work days. I'd feel better about that. It seems more respectful of my time. My pay's the same, my job's the same, we'd just be speaking the truth. I like that.

BTS

2011-08-11T10:32:00.000-07:00

The new school year is about to begin. Children fill the aisles of office supply stores, picking up binders, pencils, erasers, and the likes. Teachers shop for the sales to outfit a class of 32+ with markers, crayons, pencil sharpeners, pencil boxes, etc. The state standardized test scores for the last academic year are being published this week. Schools, teachers, and principals will be judged on this data. Some principals and districts will be chastised by the state if the student test scores didn't grow the required amount. Some teachers will grin for the students that performed at the "level of proficiency" and will shake their heads for the kids that they KNOW are wonderfully intelligent human beings, even though the test labels them as "Far Below Basic". My mind suddenly drifts back to a student in my class as we took this big test in May. Smart kid, great kid, funny kid, sensitive and sometimes sad kid.

It was testing time and the classroom was quiet. All the little 11-year-olds were reading and bubbling answers. At one point I was circulating the room and noticed that most of the students were about 1/2 way through the Reading test (ELA in teacher lingo). As I walked past one student's desk I noticed that he had put the test aside and appeared to be done. I stood by his desk for a minute, thinking about the facts as I understood them: 1) No one in the class was more than 1/2 way done; 2) He was not the best or fastest reader in the class; 3) He was "unofficially diagnosed" with a severe case of ADHD.

Now, this is the type of situation where I feel the most challenged. How can I investigate this and get the best possible result? "Hey, John, are you finished?" I whispered as I crouched down next to his desk.

"Yes."

"Hmmm." I replied, with a puzzled look on my face that I purposely exaggerated to make a point. "Did you read every story and question?"

"Uh huh." He nodded, as he averted his eyes from mine. (The TELL!)

"Okay. Let's see." I flipped through his booklet and found a stand alone question that did not require reading a passage. "What did you choose for this one?" I asked as I grabbed his answer document for verification.

He looked at the question and then said, "Um, well, I think I skipped that one."

I felt my pulse quicken, so I knew I needed to say this softly: "Did you skip any others? Because no one else in the class is done."

His eyes turned sad and he nodded. I called him to the back of the classroom and asked him to honestly tell me if he had done his best work. He admitted that perhaps "skipping" half the test and just randomly bubbling answers might not be the best strategy. He agreed to go back and give it a second look.

This is the only student I discovered that did this, but I know he's not the only one.

My students were prepared. I taught them about personification, dividing fractions, good sentence structure, verb tenses, and the Order of Operations. But one day, while I was teaching (prior to the testing), I noticed a few things about the "learning environment" of my classroom. One boy was very focused on drawing a giant block letter "T" on his paper (the first letter of his name). One girl, who had recently been absent for 5 days in a row and then another 3, was absent again. (Attempts to call home for her resulted in NO working telephone numbers.) My future "random bubbling boy" was under his desk frantically tapping a pencil on the floor. The girl next to him looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't sure what he was doing either. I'd like to think that all of these students were still absorbing the fascinating lesson. But I don't think that. Instead I think about the No Child Left Behind Act (NCLB) that has everyone scrambling to meet an unrealistic goal - ALL students must be proficient in Reading and Math by 2014. If they don't gain ground in their test scores, the school could lose money, more testing mandates will come down on the school, and teachers and principals can lose their jobs.

There has been lots of talk about whether or not NCLB works. I, for one, say it doesn't. One test can't be the way to measure whether or not a student is growing. For any of us that have ever bombed a test because we were nervous, tired, depressed or just plain "off" that day, we know that putting all our eggs in one basket regarding intelligence and ability is ludicrous. Most recently, Education Secretary Arne Duncan has been looking into the idea of schools getting wavers to the rigid guidelines of NCLB. The question now becomes, "how do we still hold schools, teachers and districts accountable?" Duncan said that one of the provisions to the waiver is a requirement that all schools demonstrate "adequate yearly progress," or AYP, on reading and math tests by 2014 or face possible closure. He wants to focus more on recognizing programs that measure and boost achievement of individual students over time and less on the law's current priority of comparing test scores from one grade to another, year to year.

Sounds reasonable, but there is SO much red tape wrapped around the politics of our school system that I foresee just another type of test. I see the value of testing certain skills, but what we still seem to be lacking is a way to "measure" the important progress in human development. Students are being socialized in the schools too. I spend an enormous amount of time modeling and teaching these kids to be productive members of our society - how to solve problems non-violently, how to use their natural talents and strengths to take on life's challenges, how to express themselves, and how to find the support they need in order to thrive (or simply survive). These goals are not written in any State Standards, nor are they measured on any tests.

In the weeks approaching the standardized test, I "fixed" a pair of eyeglasses (if scotch tape counts as a fix), bandaged knees, fingers, and elbows. I tasted a homemade cupcake from the fingertips of a child. I saw tears flow because someone missed mom, and I heard stories of sick and dying family members. I also had many discussions with angry children about respect for one another.

These interactions are preparing them for a test too - the test of their lives, and the test of their character. Because if they don't learn about respect, love, and compassion, it won't matter that they scored "proficient" on a standardized test.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

2010-12-31T10:29:00.000-08:00

Yes, it is that time again. Saying goodbye to the students for winter break and graciously accepting gifts from a few students and families. My first year of teaching I remember the feeling - that excitement of what could be hiding under the seasonal wrapping. After discovering a well-used stuffed animal and a mugful of hard candies, I remembered that I didn't get into teaching for the perks. It truly is the thought that counts.

A friend of mine teaches in a very affluent school district and told me about the $100 Macy's gift card she received. This was the same year that I received the mug (pictured) full of hard candy. A few problems with the mug:

1) It had lace super-glued around the edge and I could not get it off. Therefore, no using this for drinking.

2) The script reads: "Con todo mi Am of". Obviously the word "amor" got lost in translation and became "Am of". So what
should have been "With all my love" became "With all my..." uh, no direct translation.

3) The picture was just bizarre. It looked like mutant blockhead Pooh Bear twins. Even if I HAD been able to pry
the lace off, I couldn't drink out of it based on its freakish nature.

One of my colleagues shared that the most interesting present she received one year was a used tube of lipstick. Again, it's nice to be in someone's thoughts, but sometimes the thought will suffice.

It'd be nice to always get $100 gift cards, but it's certainly not what I signed on for. This year I got a beautiful knitted scarf (by my student's grandmother - insert "ahhhh" here) that has kept me warm already. I may not get a holiday bonus in my check, but I am appreciated by many of the families at my school.

I've always thought that the perks for teachers should come from big corporations. After all, the fruits of our labor will some day feed their workforce. Every once in awhile I am shocked to find an educator discount somewhere. It's kind of like having a AAA card, but with fewer discounts. Apple has a 10% educator discount, but I have to say, 10% is really nothing. It amounts to about the sales tax. I'm not (totally) complaining...I'll take it, but it's a gesture, kinda like the "it's the thought that counts" sentiment. I would hope for more from a big corporation. I WILL, however, give props to Verizon. The best kept secret is that they offered me a 15% educator discount off my wireless bill when I switched to them in November. AT&T never did that! So here's a plug for Verizon, my educator friends.

Ironically, the people that DO get lots of perks are the folks that don't need it. They are the people with money. I knew a girl that resembled Alicia Keys and she would get meals comped at restaurants because people thought she was the Grammy Award winning singer. Movie stars, athletes, and socialites get lots of free stuff when they could actually afford to pay for it all. When I was flying this holiday, I thought, "Wouldn't it be sweet to have an 'educator upgrade' to first class?" But instead I was herded into economy like all the other schmoes. I think the first class passengers must watch a special "preparation" video that tells them NOT to make eye contact with the coach/economy passengers, because as we all parade by their luxurious seats to cram into coach, they avert their eyes. On my flight last week, I thought I recognized a guy - a director - from my old industry. It really looked like him except that it's been at least 15 years and he hadn't aged a bit. I tried to catch his eyes to see if he might recognize me, but he had clearly watched the video.

Not only am I NOT comped a first class seat, but I'm probably making bad karma for 'accidentally' tossing that mug into a landfill somewhere. But I'm working that off every day that I step inside the classroom and say, "Good Morning, ladies and gentlemen."

And, after seven years, I still get a chuckle from the chorus of 32 earnest kids responding in unison: "Good Morning, Ms. Carter."

Now that's what I call a perk.

From the Mouths of Babes

2010-10-25T21:01:00.000-07:00

Here are some excerpts from the recent stories of 5th graders:

"The big dinosaur was a fossil, but it didn't die. It lost its soul."

"The only way he can hypnotize humans is he spits goop on human heads."

"You can get this for 6 payments of $10.99, that's right, 6 payments of $10.99."

"So they took as many pictures as they could. Then they went home satisfied."

"My favorite food is my mom's enchiladas. My favorite shape is a pyramid."

"Everyone asked for mercy but he never listened. The mountain king was the biggest and baddest mountain in the world!"

"All of a sudden Wall-E characters came alive, and then mass chaos happened."

"My favorite food is pizza, but that doesn't start with a K."

"So then they sold it to a person for $6,000 and the judges gave the money to me. And so I lived happily ever after with lots of money!"

And finally, this was written at the end of a student's story:
"I am sorry I ended there, but it would be very disturbing for your human mind!"

Indeed.

Thanks, kids. You are the reason we keep treading water in a sea of sharks.

You're Not So Funny Anymore

2010-10-10T22:00:00.000-07:00

“Nations like Finland and Japan seek out the best college graduates for teaching positions, prepare them well, pay them well and treat them with respect. They make sure that all their students study the arts, history, literature, geography, civics, foreign languages, the sciences and other subjects. They do this because this is the way to ensure good education. We’re on the wrong track.”

This quote comes from Diane Ravitch, an education historian who once advocated for the importance of standardizing testing and sat by G.W. Bush's side during the implementation of No Child Left Behind. Now she's had a change of heart. Her U-turn has some people upset, but I applaud her for seeing the error of her ways.

A former colleague sent me the article awhile ago from the NY Times if you want to check it out. (Thanks, Bernie!)

The current wave of education and moves toward privatization have me depressed. As a result, I've hit a wall lately with this blog. You might call it writer's block or you might say that I'm losing my sense of humor for education. After one of my last posts a friend said, "Hey, I thought your blog was supposed to be funny. It was a little grim."

Exactly.

It's all a little grim. As I watch our district/state/federal government push for higher test scores and lay more and more of the load and guilt trip on the teachers, as I listen to opinions about "bad schools" and "bad teachers", I can't help but lose my sense of humor about it.

The best thing about teaching is the kids...hands down. But the extra workload and lack of resources that teachers are expected to accept (because of budget cuts) has taken the wind out of my sails. I'm dancing as fast as I can, but even Gregory Hines wouldn't be able to tap his way through this mess. I keep picturing myself jumping around a room while someone from the federal government points a pistol at my feet and keeps firing, sadistically enjoying the dance I must do to stay alive:
BULLET #1: We're increasing your class size, but you still have to raise the test scores of all those children; BULLET #2: The standardized test is the end all, be all, so forget about that pansy art, music, science and history crap; BULLET #3: There's no time for "character education" in the classroom, but find a way to make these kids good citizens anyway. Perhaps you could work it into a lesson on dividing fractions. BULLET #4: How about we pay teachers more when the students test scores improve? Don't give us this crap about absences at school, lack of parental support, ADHD, homelessness, poor nutrition and all that other stuff. As Tim Gunn would say, "Make it work". BULLET #5: Yes, yes, we know...every student learns differently. That's why it's YOUR job to teach each of those 32 children in a personal and meaningful way. Um, no, sorry we don't have any support for their special needs or for the emotionally disturbed. Doggone it, just find a way.

Now in my imaginary gun, there are only 6 bullets, so there's one left. I'm just trying to decide if I should wait for them to shoot me in the heart or if I should take my own (teaching) life and get the hell out of dodge before it's too late.

I'm finding myself rapidly approaching that question that I knew I would eventually come to with this career: Can I continue to do this "for the kids"? Or have the politics and demands gotten too insane to continue for my own self preservation?

I've been reading lots of articles lately about the private donors for education, like Bill and Melinda Gates (Microsoft), and the Waltons (WalMart), and how their personal agendas drive educational policy for the schools to which they donate. These people are not educators, nor do they have any credentials around education. They should not be making policy decisions. But when the money starts to flow, people in education begin to salivate and their judgment gets clouded. Some of these donors (including the aforementioned) are big proponents of merit pay for teachers.

Here's the HUGE problem with paying a teacher based on student test scores: No one...and I mean NO ONE will want to teach in schools where the students aren't as focused as possible. No one will want to teach the kids that come to school hungry or dirty or lacking sleep, or the ones worried about their cousin that was just shot or the ones that are writing letters to their fathers in jail. These students are rightfully preoccupied with survival! And these students usually don't score as well on a standardized test. Go figure. Then there's the issue of a culturally biased test that gives them nothing in return. Instead, they are focused on wondering when dad is coming home, or what their next meal will be. They might be simply hoping that someone will hug them and take care of them when they get home.

I pulled those examples from my personal experience with students. But if I can't pay my rent because these students aren't "Proficient" in Reading and Math on the state test, then I've got to think about teaching somewhere else or maybe not teaching at all.

I have always wanted to work with the low income students and families to give them support and to help give them a voice. But guess what? No one with the power to make changes in education (or fund the programs) wants to support them. No one wants to hear them. If I had a dime for every selfish knucklehead that said, "Why should MY money/tax dollars pay for the education of somebody else's kid? I've worked hard for what I have." (Which translates to: I don't want to support poor and/or immigrant kids.)

So instead, districts give great lip service to helping the needy, but it's never done quite right.

It's all pretty exhausting, really. I'm especially exhausted by the letters I receive at the end of the school year stating "...your services are no longer required" because of budget cuts.

You know what? My services ARE required.

But worst of all, this blog entry is not very funny, because none of this is funny.

I'm a Bargain

2010-07-15T15:00:00.000-07:00

I got hired back to my teaching position today. It wasn't easy. My colleague, Mel, and I went in with guns blazing. Our jobs were on the list of jobs to choose from after being laid off. We were #20 and #21 to pick (by order of seniority). That meant 19 other laid off teachers were gonna get a stab at our jobs before us. So, we wore our school t-shirts and made signs, asking people not to take our jobs - tugging at the heart strings.

In the dim, dingy confines of the district office, we stood for all passers by to see. It was our only chance...and it worked. Well, not without complications. One teacher was set on taking one of our positions. She had a crazy cockamamie story about why she believed our school was her best option. Tongue firmly in cheek we offered to bake her cookies. Nope, she's diabetic. "How 'bout a shoulder rub?" I think that creeped her out. "Spa day?" Her eyes lit up. Oh, she liked the idea of a spa day and the stone around her heart began to erode at the thought of a hot sauna and cucumber mask.

When it was her turn to pick, she didn't take our jobs, but she did make sure to tell us, "you owe me one". On the back of Mel's Recall Notice she listed two e-mail addresses so we could be sure to find her. What sucks is that (as in the four agreements) I want to be impeccable with my word, as much as it may cost me here. One friend suggested that we send her a tub of dirt with instructions on how to make warm mud in the microwave. Then she could slip into her own claustrophobic mud bath coma.

It feels odd to say that I got lucky today because the job I got really FEELS like my job. I mean, I didn't even pack up my classroom! I'm going back to the same school and the same room. It doesn't feel so lucky to have your job ripped out from under you, only to have to beg for it back and then be expected to feel grateful. But nonetheless, today was a little bit about luck, a little bit of ingenuity, and a little bit of fate all mixed together.

When my good buddy Karol heard I got re-hired she said, "the taxpayer is getting a value". And she's right. You see, I have a pretty healthy sense of my market value. I'm not arrogant about it, I just know that I've got some mad skillz. This school district is damn lucky that I didn't snatch up another job in the time they were draggin' their feet about re-hiring teachers to fill the empty teaching positions. School let out June 12. Hellooooo!?! Whatcha been doing?

Some people said, "Well, ya know, lots of people were on vacation at the district office."

I say, "How nice for them!" It must be swell to pack up the wife and 2.4 kids for a visit to the Grand Canyon. Meanwhile I'm sweatin' out how I'm gonna pay the rent.

After today, there are still many teachers (and other professionals) that are out of work. It's a very tough time for so many. If you know someone that is unemployed right now, take 'em out for a drink, or lunch, or dinner. It feels nice.

Yes, today I got a job. No confetti fell from the sky, no champagne corks popped, but one little district got a helluva deal.

Loser

2010-06-23T15:40:00.000-07:00

I was very productive today. Having just returned from a nice long trip to NYC, I came back ready to tackle my world. I took myself out to breakfast then returned home and did laundry, caught up on bills, pulled weeds in the garden, organized two desk drawers and made a few phone calls. All of these things were strategically chosen in order to procrastinate...duh, duh, duh (ominous music swells)...filing for unemployment benefits. Yes, folks, if you are a reader of this blog, you might know that I was laid off last year too, only to be called back a short time later. Well, this year is a bit different because the dark clouds are a bit darker. It's hard to tell when/if I will be called back and whether or not my job will still be available to me.

Prior to leaving for our glorious trip to NYC, I wanted to be proactive about this job thing. So I updated my resume and sent one out after also writing the dreaded cover letter - "Hi, you don't know me from Adam, however, I'm chipper, but not annoyingly so. I love to work! I don't mind working overtime or weekends and I am passionate about your cause. Hire me! I'm not desperate. Really. I have hoards of other offers and people knocking on my door constantly. I just decided to ignore all of the clamor and apply for your position out of the blue!"

Well, it may not have read exactly like that, but it sure seems like it. I feel like a loser. I can't get that Beck song out of my head. "I'm a loser baby, so why don't ya kill me." Don't worry folks, I'm not suicidal, but it sure makes drinking after the stroke of 12 noon awfully appealing.

As I sat down to fill out the unemployment application, I reassured myself with the facts as I will state to you here: 1) I have never been on unemployment before; 2) I have been paying INTO this system my entire working life; 3) I don't watch Maury or Tyra in the middle of the afternoon; 4) I am smart and powerful and good enough; 5) Doggone it, I like myself, I really do!

The online application is surprisingly simple to fill out, though they make it clear that if you write something untrue, it's all over. Fine with me. I have nothing to hide, but there are a few trick questions. One question asked if I "am employed" as a state worker such as teacher, etc. Well, let's see...if I was employed I wouldn't be filling this out! Do they mean was I just recently employed in that way? Another question asked for the last 18 months of my employment history. Sounds simple enough, except that when I filled in the dates for my last job of almost 6 years, it then asked for my earnings for that time period. Am I meant to go back and calculate how much I made for the last 6 years? Perhaps I should review all my tax returns. That sounds like a fun afternoon. More reason to drink, at least. I thought about just making up a number, but then I remembered that official sounding statement at the beginning of the application that warns if anything I write is false...ah, crap. I fumbled through what I think they wanted, but I'm not making any sudden moves around law enforcement officers this week.

My favorite question is when they ask for your weekly income. They even give you a "helpful hint" for calculating it: hourly wage x number of hours worked per week. Thanks, Einstein! I haven't received an hourly wage in a loooong time. But if I really figured out what I was making on an hourly basis, I probably would have quit my job long before they had a chance to lay me off. Let's see - teacher salary divided by 50+ hours a week. Ouch!

I felt accomplished afterwards - having navigated through a government application all by myself. But still, I couldn't help feeling that my ego was taking a big hit. I read in the paper the other day that most businesses are NOT hiring people that are unemployed. They would rather hire or recruit someone that already has a job, because if you don't have a job you're a loser. (Well it didn't exactly say the "loser" part, but one can surmise.) This is the thing that no one wants to admit. When a person says that they are unemployed, we wonder what's wrong with them. Were they incompetent in their last job? Were they busted surfing porn online? Do they pick their nose in public? Perhaps they have terrible halitosis or, even worse, irritable bowel disorder. Or, are they just a complete and utter imbecile?

I really began to think about this concept of companies only hiring people that HAVE jobs. That basically means that there are always jobs open, we just can't get to them if we're unemployed. Maybe I need to find a company that will hire me, so I can get a job somewhere. Or better yet, I can be self-employed in order to find employment. Brilliant! I'll need a good company name, though. Something that hints at it but doesn't give it away.

Well, I am unemployed. I was laid off, and not because I'm an idiot or lame or socially inept.

What's wrong with me? 6 years ago I decided to teach elementary school in a country that doesn't value education. Maybe THAT was stupid.

Barbie is for Boys

2010-02-04T20:12:00.000-08:00

A very quiet boy in my class has discovered my love of music and so he likes to ask me if I know certain songs that he is uncovering on "Rock Band". Last week he asked if I knew "Come Together" by the Beatles, to which I immediately replied with a showcase of my vocals on the chorus. A few days later, he raised his hand and asked, "Do you know the song "Fire" by Jimi Hendrix?"

"Let me stand next to your fire...let me stand next to your fire...", I bellowed.

Suddenly the joy of song hit the classroom and a spirited young 9-year-old boy bounced out of his seat, flapping his arms and singing, "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world...". Now, if you haven't ever heard that song, I suggest you check it out here. (The resolution is not so good, but the tune will put it all into perspective.) It is fabulously bizzare!

When this boy busted out with it in the middle of class I just couldn't keep a straight face. This of course, gave the whole class permission to join in and laugh. I love that this boy had the confidence to do this. Right on the heels of his performance, the magnetically cool boy in class jokingly said, "I have the Barbie house".

I asked, "Do you have the Barbie dream machine?"

"Oh yes," he replied with a smirk.

It's incredibly refreshing to feel the gender fluidity of children. Barbie has always been associated with girls, but here were the two most popular boys in the classroom, ready to be playful about Barbie.

I always hated Barbie. I'm pretty sure that I hated her as a rebellious act, simply because, as a female, I was expected to like her. I only had one doll that I loved when I was mini-me, and her name was Vanessa. Well, that's what I named her (which is a story for another time), but her stock name was "Baby Drowsy". This baby had one of those strings on a ring that you pull to make her speak. I still remember some of her lines: "Mommy, I'm sleepy"; "I want another drink of water"; "I go to sleep now, night-night"; and the 'pièce de résistance' was her raspy, high-pitched voice just wailing for 3 seconds. I have no idea why I liked this doll. I'm not a fan of whining, of which she did plenty, and I'm no fan of the pink onesie. Perhaps it was the force with which I had to pull that damn string to make her talk that gave me some sort of satisfaction.

Ahhh, how much longer will the kids in my class be willing to play freely and enjoy the enormous spectrum of humor and gender that they experimented with that day? I hope they can hold on to that feeling and take over the world. But if they can't do it...

Move over rover, and let Jimi take over!

That's Some Pig

2010-01-01T13:31:00.001-08:00

For Christmas I made a dish from a recipe I've been carting around for 20 years. It's a "bean" casserole that my step-mom used to make. Not only does it have three different kinds of beans, but it has brown sugar, ketchup, mustard, pork 'n' beans, ground beef, and bacon! Mmmm! I can't explain why I bought the highest quality ground beef and bacon to toss into this strange medley, but it paid off when my "foodie" friends were going back for seconds. I attribute partial success to the level of commitment I had in regards to frying the bacon. I turned to the old Better Homes and Gardens "New" Cook Book to see what they recommend for temperature and cooking time. (This cookbook is perfect for someone like me that doesn't really cook. It even explains how to boil an egg.) Frying bacon: Medium-low heat, 6-8 minutes, turning often. I followed those instructions to a "t" and it was the best damn bacon I've had in a long time, if I do say so myself. Exhibit A (photo): happiness is a plateful of bacon

Coincidentally my students and I are reading Charlotte's Web right now. The kids are falling in love with Wilbur, the pig. I usually don't enjoy stories (especially movies) with talking animals. It feels so manipulative, plus it's downright creepy. But I'll admit that I actually kind of like this particular story, and it's not because I love pigs. I absolutely hated that movie Babe. But as we read this sweet little story about a pig being saved from slaughter, the students are coming to terms with the fact that pigs are ham, pork chops, chicharróns, and most importantly, BACON! (Now if you are an avid reader of this blog, you might remember my ode-to-bacon blog entitled, "Rock Bottom".)

Clearly I am not a vegetarian, but if I were, I'd be a really good one. I'm hip to the politics, I enjoy most vegetables, and I can't stand the thought of killing an animal myself. (Some say that if you're not willing to kill it yourself, you shouldn't eat it.) But, herein lies my dilemma. Meat is tasty. I can be put into an immediate food coma with a perfectly prepared piece of rare (yes, rare) steak. And don't let anybody tell you that any ol' piece of meat will do. I really do taste the difference with the organic, grass-fed, no hormones meat.

I'm sorry to say that as I read Charlotte's Web I cannot speak to the children on behalf of PETA or on behalf of the talking pigs of the world, because I'm too busy imagining the serenity and joy I will feel when I bite into that next perfect piece of bacon.

How to Crush a Child's Spirit: 101

2009-12-19T17:57:00.000-08:00

If the Learning Annex ever wants a class called, "How To Crush a Child's Spirit:101", most elementary school teachers would be qualified to teach the class. Not so much because the teachers are squelching their little spirits (though I'm certain it happens unintentionally, more often than we realize), but because we constantly police the little buttheads that say mean things to other kids.

Yesterday at my elementary school we had our Holiday Sing-Along where all the kids pack into the cafeteria and sing songs. The day before the event, a boy in my class slipped a note in my mailbox to ask if he could bring his reindeer hat to school. I told him that he could wear it to the Sing-Along.

The next day he brought his reindeer antler hat with bells to school. When we walked single file down the school hallway, he proudly wore the antlers. A few minutes after we sat down he came to me, no antlers, and said that a girl in our class told him that the hat looked stupid. I felt the heat inside my belly move to my heart and begin fuming out of the top of my head. I was so mad, fightin' mad! But there's just no reasonable justification for beating up a 9-year-old girl when you're 44. So instead, I marched right over to her and said, "Did you say something unkind to James about his hat?" To which she mumbled, "I told him it looked good."

"Really?" I quipped.

Staring at me with wide eyes, she nodded.

"Well, we will sort this out later and I really hope you are being truthful."

I told James that I spoke to the girl and that he should wear the hat because it was FANTASTIC. He shook his head and never put it back on for the rest of the day.

Even though the girl later mumbled the obligatory under-the-breath "sorry" to him, I keep thinking about how James will probably never wear a festive holiday hat again because that mean little girl said something that just ate away a piece of his spirit.

We've all had moments like that, it's just so hard to watch it happen. Mine was when I was about 9 years old also. The prettiest and most popular girl in our church choir turned to me after a rehearsal and said that I sounded awful. I stopped singing in front of people for about 5 or 6 years after that. I was traumatized. Then I got the fever of 70's and 80's rock and I was back in business, despite the opinion of that nasty little church girl.

Kids can be so cruel. I wonder where they learn it?

Reasons Not to Teach First Grade

2009-12-12T00:01:00.000-08:00

I never really needed convincing to NOT teach Kindergarten or First Grade. Just thinking about training them to wipe their own noses has always been enough for me to quickly choose an intermediate grade level.

The other night I had the pleasure of spending some time with previous colleagues that now teach K and 1st. After our conversation I can concisely lay out for you the Three Most Important Reasons to NOT Teach Kinder or 1st Grade:

3. Urine
2. Feces
1. Vomit

I know it sounds extreme to mention these unmentionables, but it must be done. For these three reasons ALONE, teachers should be paid better. Many teachers have swapped stories about kids having "accidents" where they pee their pants. But then...Jess told the story about when she was teaching 1st grade in Guatemala and one day a student said he felt sick. She encouraged him to wait until snack time to see if he would feel better, but he didn't. At snack time, she reminded him to eat his apple. Shortly after the apple, as she was starting a lesson, the same boy complained again about his stomach. By now she was starting to feel convinced that he might really be sick.

Just as she started to say, "Maybe you should go to the office and...", he had a projectile vomit - all over her. Of course she had no change of clothes at school, and of course, she rode the bus to her school everyday because she didn't have her own transport. It was a long day that day.

My pal Antonio told the story of the little boy that disrupted the whole class to alert everyone of his need to use the restroom. Luckily many of the Kinder classrooms have a bathroom adjacent to the room, so off went the little guy to do his business, until suddenly the dreaded, "I need help wiping" voice calls from beyond the door.

"You've got to be kidding!" (Antonio managed to keep this in his thought bubble.)

Painfully and reluctantly, out come the rubber gloves with a snap, snap, over each wrist. The rest? Well, I'll leave that to your imagination.

I think the boy's family got a call or note asking (pleading, begging) that they COMPLETELY potty train their son immediately.

Again, teachers are not paid enough for this kinda crap*. If you aren't going to pay these K/1 teachers more, then at least provide them with a hazardous waste suit/uniform. It would certainly make the job more appealing to me.

(*pun intended)

The End of the World...(and I feel fine)

2009-11-21T09:00:00.000-08:00

The kids at school are all talking about the rumor that the world is coming to an end in 2012. I'm not worried because this job has me SO ready to sleep for a really long time. But then yesterday morning a kid walked into my class mumbling, "I don't want the world to end." I decided to ignore his comment, because after all, who am I to reassure him that it won't? I really don't know. And I refuse to be one of those adults that lie to children to make themselves feel better, or to avoid deep thought.

I did talk to my class about the origin of the rumor, but that was some fact-based information (totally within my jurisdiction) about the Mayan calendar...blah, blah. Personally, I don't worry about this kind of crap. It reminds me of the "Y2K scare". Some people were really freaked out. Then....dun dun dun...(-insert ominous sounding music here-), nothing happened. What's that you say? That's right, N-O-T-H-I-N-G happened. I got a laugh out of that, I'll admit.

I had to search to re-find one of my all-time favorite reasons for the internet. A few years ago someone sent me this animation called End of the World and I laughed over it for months, and showed it to all my friends. Unfortunately, some of those friends and I are not as close because if they didn't laugh at this I had to wonder why I was friends with them in the first place. My pal Shmange and I had a few good laughs over it. So, click on the link (underlined "End of the World" above) and enjoy, I hope (Parental Discretion Advised for Strong Language, Reg). And if you don't get it, WTF, mate?

8 Minutes

2009-11-19T19:29:00.000-08:00

8 Minutes. My pal Jenny-Mac figured out that this is how much time the teachers at our school have to plan each lesson we teach for a day of elementary school. (On average I teach 6 lessons a day.) But I don't take 8 minutes, I do what it takes, which is much more than 8 minutes. What that means, however, is that I regularly work 10-11 hour days. I get paid for 7 hours. I don't get bonuses or comp time, or even a free cup of coffee in the morning. Why do I do it? I want the students to have the best I can possibly offer...and I really like working with kids. They are crazy.

Recently I got a cryptic hand-written note in my classroom mailbox from a kid. It looked kind of like this (wishing I had a scanner!):

"Thre was a flyd in th pllens"

When I first read this scrawl from the 8-year-old I thought it said, "There was a fly on the lens". I figured he was explaining why most of my students were distracted at the end of the day when their homework was listed on the overhead projector (thus the "lens" part). I showed this note to my colleague Donna, knowing that her 40 years of teaching experience makes her a master code-breaker. I knew that she could confirm or refute my attempt at decoding. I handed her the note and, without missing a beat she said, "Oh...there was a flood in the Philippines".

Yes, that was it! Turns out the boy has family in the Philippines and wanted to make sure I knew about the recent flood there.

The best part about this kid is that he always has a smile on his face and is an easy target for my juvenile antics in the classroom. And to top it off, just the other day I realized who he reminds me of. Seriously. He is Bill from the series "King of the Hill"! (but without the beer in his hand and the hair on his chest, I presume) He has similar mannerisms, speech patterns, and a general "happy-go-lucky" demeanor.

Sometimes, when I'm having a rough time of it, I just look at "Bill" and remember that it's all gonna work out fine.

After all, I've only got 8 minutes per lesson to save the world (even though that's twice what Madonna and Justin had).

Back in the Saddle Again

2009-08-11T13:34:00.000-07:00

From the soundtrack of my life: "I’m back!" Back to teaching 4th grade, that is. I’m happy. I had to go through an awful lot in order to come full circle, bringing me back to March, where this whole thing started. It went something like this:

you're fired
no, maybe not
um…yes, you're fired
stay tuned, we may need you back
no, it doesn’t look like you’ll be back
ok, come back and choose a job, but your old job doesn’t exist
no, you can't have that job
oh, okay, you can have that job
hey, how about having your old job back?
ok, you can have it

But, hey now, I’ve got a job which is more than some people can claim nowadays. So I AM thankful. I actually wish I could just call everyone I know to tell then that I got my job back. But herein lies the problem. No one picks up a damn phone anymore. I can’t get anyone on the phone, not even my spouse. I have reluctantly agreed to text more often, but am I the only one that finds it exhausting? I have a keyboard on my phone for this very purpose, but when I’m trying to make plans with someone and we have to go back and forth five or six times, I can’t help but think, “This would be a 30 second phone conversation.”

Is it about being cool? I’m all for being cool. I was born cool. But texting is so Europe 2005. I mean EVERYBODY texts now, so it’s no longer a novelty. When a 10-year-old is doing it, it’s no longer cool. Driving a tricked out car can still be cool, precisely because a 10 year old can’t do it. My pal Jenny had a student that was texting in class all year long! This girl was assigned hundreds of sentences to write, recesses were taken away, but she still continued. When her phone was confiscated by the principal, her mom got her a new one, so it was back to texting. I had this girl the previous year, before the text explosion, and she used to daydream the days away. She was probably thinking about what she would text if she could. But I’ll tell you one thing, she still does not have a car.

I’ve come to the frightening realization that if I want my friends to know the good news about my job I have to: 1) post it on Facebook; 2) blog about it here; 3) ask someone to Twitter it for me (I’m not there yet); and 4) do a mass e-mail as a back-up; …but don’t call anyone for heavens sake!

So now that I have my teaching job back, I was thinking about more innovative ways to fire/hire teachers, and suddenly I got an idea. How about a game show for teachers? Winners stay, losers go. Since it's my idea, I think I would want to have a show like "Name That Tune" or a Karaoke competition. If you don't know the lyrics then a clown comes out and smashes a pie in your face. (The clown would be a different celebrity guest star each week. See pic for guest #1!) Then Governor Arnold would come on the giant screen via satellite and say, "You are the weakest link. You are OUT!" Then he'd blow you a kiss and say, "auf Wiedersehen", like Heidi Klum on Project Runway.

With this scenario there would at least be some bit of talent needed to stay in the profession. I know you're thinking, "Hey Sal, why not a quiz show since teachers are supposed to know stuff?" Simple: that's too easy of a solution. I'm trying to stay in the spirit of the public school system by keeping things aloof and illogical. Geeeez. Stay with me. (Is this the first blog of mine that you've read?) The music would be sounds of the 70’s and 80’s, with a little 90’s tossed in for bonus points.

The premiere show would start with me singing Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle”.
...I'm back! I'm back in the saddle again...

Cattle Call

2009-06-30T13:17:00.000-07:00

Well, I got a job back in my school district, back at my school in fact. But it's not MY job. My job has disappeared with the idealist belief that small children should be in classrooms of (no more than) 20 students. Call me crazy for buying into the idea of smaller class sizes ("CRAZY!"). But this crazy fool thinks that packing 30-34 kids in a room to teach them how to read, with ONE teacher, mind you, is a bit insane. But that's the plan in my district as of now.

So about 2 weeks ago I got a phone call saying I am being "recalled" (like those painted toys from China) and I would need to pick a job from the current list of vacancies. They sent me the job list ahead of time to take a look. There is nothing currently available at my school so I made my list of priorities from the choices and talked to some colleagues to get advice. The day I showed up to "pick a job" was the most DMV-like experience I've had as a teacher. There were about 10-15 of us lined up in a tiny dingy hallway in our district office. The lady would call a name and that person would disappear into a room, then emerge with one of three looks: sadness, defeat, or apathy. Some people were a little teary-eyed too. Then the lady would cross off the job the person picked, but not announce what they picked, so we would all squeeze down the hall to try and see what job was taken. Then the next person would go in, and so on, and so on.

By the time I got my turn, all my top choices were gone. SURPRISE! But I did have one thing up my sleeve. Like a Svengali, I walked in, sat down and ordered, "I will take the Science position at my school." The woman was caught off guard and began to shuffle papers as I stated, "It's not on the vacancy list, but it is there, my friend, it is there. I have been informed by my principal, [name dropped here], to ask for this position." I was feeling pretty good about myself, proud that I had taken this bull by the horns and for once thrown THEM for a loop. As she nervously shuffled papers, the other woman at the table (we'll call her the witness, because I learned in business that whenever you have a potentially volatile situation, you never do it one-on-one), began to look me over. I could see the questions in her eyes: Was I for real? Who did I think I was, marching in here with my OWN agenda?

The paper shuffler looked at me, and said, "We have to wait until that job is posted. You will need to pick a job from the list." Ah, but I had one other thing up my sleeve so I responded, "My principal, [name dropped here again], is downstairs in the training and said to come get her if there was a problem." HA! I can play hardball too. Without wavering, her eyes checked with the witness, and showing no sign of fear, she said, "We can have that conversation later, but for now, please pick a job to secure a position, so we can keep this moving." I was out of tricks, no hypnotic trance or amount of charm would change the fact that I really had zero power in this situation. The irony is that she really had no power either. She couldn't just give me a job because I said so. Her boss would probably behead her for such insubordination, or send her to the basement and take away her Swingline stapler.

The people with the power were on vacation during this project of theirs. How convenient. Hardly a coincidence I imagine. Make a mess, then leave someone else to clean it up. But hey, that's bureaucracy in action.

I chose a job, then promptly told on her to my principal. She marched herself to the cattle call office and fixed it. I felt like such a helpless child. I miss the days of getting a job on your merits and desire, not because you were #129 on the list so you got to choose before #140. I miss the days of being promoted or given a raise because you are an asset to the company, not because you have a certain # of years of service.

So I am on board to teach Science at my school. Good News: No need to switch schools, I know the students and staff, and change will keep me growing.

Bad News: 2 days after I was called in, our previous science teacher was "recalled" too. I didn't expect that because I thought he was much lower in seniority and might not get called at all. Now I have his job. I feel crappy about that. So it's hard to celebrate. I just hope it somehow miraculously all goes back to the way it was. Anyone have a magic wand I can borrow?

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-20T21:22:00.000-07:00

I don't understand Father's Day or Mother's Day or Administrative Assistant's Day (formerly known as "Secretary's Day") or Day of the Teacher. (I don't know why it's not called "Teacher's Day".) This idea of choosing one day to say thanks and fatten the wallets of Hallmark always seems a bit strange to me. Heck, every day is Teacher's Day and Father's Day and Mother's and Admin. Asst.'s, etc.

Yes, it's lame to say, "We need to appreciate all people everyday!", but you know what? We need to appreciate the people in our lives REGULARLY. After recently losing my job, I thought about all my colleagues in education that I appreciate. I try to be thankful for what I've got, but I don't think I express it very readily to the people that need to hear it. So here goes:
Jenny - you're the first to pop in my mind right now because you especially need to know what a powerhouse of a teacher you are and how I admire that! You also have a great ability to laugh at life and...laminate. Andrea - and to think I was intimidated by you when I first started working with you! Actually, there was good reason for that. You have your act together. And I KNOW this because you always say that you don't. You are always willing to lend others a hand and are an extremely thoughtful human being. Kathy H. - what a pleasure and privilege I have to come to work and have positivity first thing in the morning. Your kind, yet playful, words and your love for the children are never lost on me. Thank you for the work that you do. Mel T- we have been weathering the recent storm together, checking in with one another. I appreciate your confidence and your ability to "press on" even when the system gets ludicrous. I also like how you roll your eyes at the crazy playground DRAMA! Helen - my mentor and an inspiration to all. I can't write anything here that will encompass who you are. You just are. I will SO miss your classroom visits if I'm not back with you next year. You'll have to call me, wherever I am, and I'll put you on speakerphone! Greg - Mister Comic Relief with some sarcasm and fire mixed in. I worry about how often you say what I'm thinking. Your plethora of random trivia at lunch and your waving of the white slips after recess are unmatched! Chris - um, how much time do you have in a day? Wow, the things you do with your class! You have a wonderful sense of calm mixed with a great sense of humor. And, of course, Donna - where would I be without you? You have orchestrated a great teaching career for me so far! Ever since you got me to LE, you have been a great ally and presented opportunities that I may have ignored in the past. Thank you for your help and guidance. I appreciate you.

I appreciate so many of you: Eric, Kathy G., Pam, David, Leslie, Kim W., and frankly everyone at LE. I'm sorry for anyone that I didn't mention or write sentences about. It was getting so long! But let me tell you, I have sentences for all of you. Oh boy, do I have sentences. I might be moving on to other "pastures", equally full of cow patties and land mines, but I promise to keep fighting the good fight, as long as you do too!

Oh yeah, and "Happy Father's Day".

I Want to Be a Pirate

2009-06-15T23:16:00.000-07:00

I'm weighing my career options and I think I want to be a pirate. Pirates get to say cool things like "argh" and "savvy". They also get to sail around the world. They get to drink anytime they want because (as the saying goes), "it's always 12:00 somewhere". (Though they probably don't care about that.) Pirates are obsessed with booty. Pirates have also been glamorized with the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. (And what's NOT cool about Johnny Depp?) Plus, I always loved the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. Piracy is also big in music, and I love my music. And look how much fun these pirates are having when they come together with music in this cool video called "You Are a Pirate" from the Icelandic children's show Lazy Town.

The only snafu is that there are NO job listings on Career Builder, Monster, or even Craigslist for pirates.

I know pirates got a bad rap recently with their kidnapping shenanigans off the Somali coast. But come on, they're pirates. Honestly, what did we all expect? I'd be a pretty nice pirate. I don't think I'd be into the kidnapping, killing, slave trade, or even the parrot thing. I'd have to have a sidekick that carries the parrot around. I think the sidekick would have to be a subordinate because pirates seem to be big on power structure and hierarchy.

I should probably grow my hair out and let it get all ratty. Then I'll probably have to wear one of those fake beard and mustaches, but it's tricky because to be believable it has to match your hair color. My hair gets lighter in the summer, especially if I'm going to be out on the open ocean, so I'll probably need to get a few seasonal hair colors for the stache/beard combo. I could wear the big hoop earring and the eye patch and I could get one of those long coats. Prince wore a hoop earring AND a coat like that in his movie Purple Rain and it looked cool on him. I wanna look cool too. In fact, Prince's whole outfit had a kind of "piratey" look. The poofy shirt, long coat, etc. Perhaps he wanted to be a pirate too, before he hit it big in the music business. Anybody know where I could get a suit like that? Wow, I'm gonna need to buy lots of stuff. Oh well, this shopping excursion sounds much more fun than going down to Banana Republic at the mall to get work clothes for some crappy corporate job. Wish me luck on my shopping spree! wheeeeeeeeee!

The Agony and the Ecstasy

2009-05-25T18:56:00.000-07:00

The beginning of June is both jubilant and painful when you're a teacher. Here's the jubilation part: summer is coming! more free time, sleeping in, time for focusing on staying healthy and relaxing. The painful part: the final rush of grading papers, report cards, updating every student's file, organizing, filing, and cleaning your classroom. To top that off, I've been dealt the final pink slip. Oh sure, they can rescind at any time. But that's the problem..."at any time". I head into summer vacation not knowing if I will have a job in August.

Ironically, I got an invitation to lead some trainings over the summer. I said, "Sure, I'll do it, but I'm officially NOT an employee after June 30, so..."

I'm trying not to sweat it - trying not to feel like it's personal. I know, logically that it's got nothing to do with me. Funny. It OUGHT to! It ought to have everything to do with me. This job bases most everything on your seniority. You have to do something pretty awful to actually get fired from teaching. They can't just get rid of you because you're a bad teacher. Because of tenure, it's much more complicated than that. Well, I have tenure, and I'm a damn good teacher, but my neck is still strategically placed on the chopping block.

If I go out, I wanna go out with guns blazing.(see picture) I don't exactly know what that would mean, though. I just love the end scene of "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid". Unfortunately I don't have a place to play that scene out. As a teacher, I have to maintain the upstanding citizen facade...so, I can't scream obscenities when they take my classroom key or trash the district office on my way out of town. But, I could run down the hallway with staplers blazin' in each hand. Hmmm...I'll let you know how it all plays out.

I Wanna Rock 'N' Roll All Night

2009-05-07T21:20:00.000-07:00

Whitesnake, Slayer, Stryker, Warrant, Great White, Ratt. These were the 80's "B" hair bands. There were also the "A" listers with bands like Poison, Scorpions, Def Leppard. I consider these A list because the general public knows who they are and they had more hits. Now I know I'll probably get some avid Whitesnake fan arguing about their ranking in my list, but come on...just look at the picture! Then there are some bands I don't count in this list because they still have gigs and huge followings (Bon Jovi, Motley Crue, Guns n Roses, Van Halen, etc.)

I can't always remember who sang what, or what some of them sang at all. But with anthems like "Cherry Pie" and "Here I Go Again", they cannot be forgotten. A few weeks ago while cruising beautiful San Diego, we were doing the ol' search-for-a- station-in-the-rental-car, when - BAM! The radio blares, "...here i go again on my own. Goin' down the only road i've ever known...like a drifter I was born to walk alone..." Sweet, sweet music to our ears.

Now for the best part. I was searching online for these lyrics (I wanted to quote correctly), and instead of the word drifter, there was the word "hobo" with an asterisk *. I scrolled down to find this nugget: "* in the 1987 version this word is changed to drifter. David's [David Coverdale, lead singer of Whitesnake] management thought that hobo could be confused with homo!" Oh no, because the make-up, spandex, and frizzed out prom hair wouldn't make us think that already.

Then there was the quintisential band, KISS. When I was in junior high, my friends and I loved KISS. but we also did that thing where you had to pick your favorite one. Mine ended up being Peter Criss. (For those that shamefully don't know, he was the cat/drummer.) I don't even know why I chose him. I think because he wrote "Beth" so I knew he was deep, ya know, deep in a 7th grade kinda way. That summer, we all went to summer school and took this class where we made these leather wrist bands. I made one that said KISS. Well, I used the stamper to make the KI on a piece of leather, and then I had to hand carve the SS, KISS style. Kind of like a lightening bolt. Anyway, I wore that thing for a year and thought it was so cool. One day I just stopped wearing the wrist band and my KISS era was over. It was well before they took their make-up off. I always thought they should of stayed "Masked" because they are not good looking guys, but with the make-up, there was an air of genius. But, things started to spiral after that. And years later, Gene Simmons did a mortifying interview on NPR with Terry Gross. He's a real a-hole.

Even though I shed my KISS fan days, one year, some co-workers and I decided to be KISS for Halloween. Adrienne insisted on being Peter Criss, so I took the next best thing...Paul Stanley. I don't remember if Anita was Ace or Gene, because she "forgot" to dress up on the day, but we had a blast shopping for the shoes and catsuits on Haight St. in SF, and Anita outfitted us with some great studded belts and wrist bands from her private collection. Peter and Paul were a hit at work that Halloween. (Pictured L-R: Supergirl, Johnny Cash, Ghost of Western Post, Paul Stanley, Ace Frehley)

So whenever I talk about music with my class at school, those dang 10 year olds never seem to be educated about music from the 80s. Sometimes I'll play a song and make them guess the artist. This game is not very fun because after their two guesses of The Beatles and Elvis, the game is over. Clearly, they just think I'm old and that's the only "old" music they know. Finally, now, I have my class trained into also guessing Prince and Michael Jackson. That's something. But if any kid ever busts out with Whitesnake, even if it's not right, they're winning the grand prize.

Regret #1

2009-03-31T21:03:00.000-07:00

Joining Facebook.

In a weak moment last night, I joined Facebook. What the hell was I thinking? I'll tell you. I blame Miriam. Yes, YOU, Miriam. I had received a few invitations from various people to join Facebook, but for some reason, when I saw her invite, I thought to myself, "Hmmm, I wonder what she's up to?" I hadn't heard from her in months. I figured I'd sign on, snoop around a bit, and then promptly get off the site - unseen and unheard. But BEWARE, oh Facebook newbies, because you can't just look at people's "profiles"/pages unless they let you, so you HAVE to alert people to your existence in order to look at anything. Herein lies the regret. Suddenly it was like being plopped in the center of the Pacific Ocean with no life raft. I was drowning in information and people. Too many people! But, it's like being at a party with cardboard cutouts. Everyone is there, but not really. Then I started seeing pictures of people that brought back so many memories, and not all good. Some things are better left in the past. But last night, suddenly, there were the people, the memories, AGH!@#)$(%

I'm sure there are people that see me on FB now and are terrified that I might "friend" them. (This means you send them a note to ask to be on their friend list. Then they either say "yes" or hell no.) It's bizarre. It's strange.

OK, so now I'm going to look at the damn FB glass as half-full. As it turns out, there IS an up side. I did find a few people that I haven't talked to in a long time and really WANT to talk to them. Though, officially we haven't talked. And if you are an avid reader of this blog, you know how I feel about the lack of human and/or voice contact in this digital/computer age. (Blog archive 12/31/08 "All of Us These Days") Needless to say, the possibility of a conversation is on the horizon, now that we've found each other. (Oooh, I feel the lyrics to a pop song coming on.)

Well, FB is addictive. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I thought I could resist, until the Grease trivia quiz. Then there was the Brady Bunch quiz too. This knowledge that I possess really is useless, except when a quiz is at hand. Stand back children of the 70s and 80s! I'll take you down.

I won't give up this blog, but I may go completely brain-dead and be unable to put two sentences together. Wish me luck.................

PS: Sorry I said the "d" word and the "h" word (2 times), Burch-Konda kids.

Pink Stinks

2009-03-15T19:50:00.000-07:00

I got a pink slip this week. Tens of thousands of teachers all over California are getting them. Just because I got one doesn't necessarily mean I'm losing my job, but it's the "CYA" business. If your school district doesn't give you a pink slip but wants to lay you off, they are "SOL" if they didn't serve you. Soooo, they blanket their districts with pink slips. And this blanket ain't no cozy lil' hand made blanket either!

I'm sorta feeling all over the map about it. Part of me knows that there's a pretty good chance that I'll still have my job. The other part of me goes, "Screw it. The public school system is SO broken, and it keeps getting harder every year. Time to change careers again." But then I think about the kids. Agh, those little varmits that keep me coming back every day, year after year. They are the reason I'm here. And I'm just cocky and confident enough to know that if being a teacher is going to be an impossible task, it may as well be someone confident, like myself, doing the job. If I vacate, or if they vacate ME, my shoes might be "filled" by some less-competent individual. I may as well stick it out.

The last angry rebellious part of me says, "You don't want me? Really? Well it is YOUR loss, you fools. C-YA!"

I could easily justify a decision to leave because there's a whole host of crazy crap coming down next year. Larger class sizes, more curriculum to teach that's being pushed on the already overworked classroom teacher, fewer available resources for kids, and less money per student. Hmmm....makes me want to write President Obama a letter about the reality of NCLB and merit pay.

I'm tired, for sure. Tired of fighting the uphill battle. But then I go to school and see these kids in crisis, some of them in serious crisis, and I remember why I'm fighting. !Si se puede, pero necesitamos ayuda!

Rock Bottom

2009-03-04T14:18:00.000-08:00

I want to be in shape. I think I would make a great "in shape person". Often times people mistake me for an "in shape person" because I am not visibly overweight. I can hide my beer belly and that's really all that is visibly overweight about me. But the problem is, as much as I want to be one of these healthy "in-shape people", I just don't have the dedication to sacrifice what it takes. This hit me, like a train, as I was having beer and bacon this morning. Yes, beer and bacon. I was meeting some people about joining a softball team and I decided I should have a beer. After all, it was just after 12 noon. I signed up for the team alright, but I will admit that I have lots of fear around my level of fitness. The first woman I met was on a team that went to the World Series last year. I don't even know exactly what that means, but it sure sounds serious. The last time I played on a softball team is was mostly about what was in the cooler at each game. So today, as we were finishing up the discussion and paying the fee, I realized that i need to get in shape. It's not so much about needing to lose weight as it is about getting fit. I need to build muscle and work those muscles that I'll need to play baseball/softball. All this was going through my head, as I was drinking a beer to accompany their brunches. I was picturing myself eating more healthy meals, pumping weights at the gym and having an overall mindset of a healthy lifestyle. Shortly thereafter the other women left, leaving me at the table sipping my beer. I noticed that one of them had left her bacon on her plate. Now let me back up and tell you that bacon is one of my all time favorite smells. AND, bacon can taste mighty good as well. SO, here I am staring at a plate of bacon strips. What choice do I have? It's practically blasphemous to leave it there. The pig already died to give us this bacon and I couldn't bear the thought of leaving it for the trash (or compost at best). So I ate it. I sat there, by myself, drinking a beer and eating bacon. This my friends, is MY rock bottom. I'm in training as of tomorrow! Though I DO have brunch plans at a place that probably makes killer Bloody Marys, so I guess training can start tomorrow afternoon. I'll keep you posted.

This has nothing to do with teaching

2009-03-01T15:29:00.000-08:00

This entry is not about teaching, it's about smoking. Let me start by saying I'm not a cigarette smoker. I have smoked some cigarettes in my shady past, but I always thought it was gross. I hated the way it made my fingers and clothes smell, and the WORST part was the taste in my mouth the next morning. So, I am aware that I am no friend to the cigarette. My biggest beef is the litter. Why have so many smokers decided that cigarette butts are acceptable litter? Next time you're out on a stroll, notice all the butts, and the cigarettes too. (I couldn't resist.) Anyway, I constantly see smokers tossing their cigs on the ground. Many times it's a hand out the window of a car to drop the remains to the pavement, or someone on a leisurely stroll around the lake with apparently no place else to drop their rubbish, but good ol' planet Earth.

And what's the deal with smokers that hold their cig out the window while they drive? What that tells me is that they can't even stand the smell in their own car! Instead the smoke wafts back and in through my open window or vent. Then, when they've sufficiently poisoned both of our lungs, they toss the butt outside. Again, probably because they don't even want the smell in their car's trash.

ick! ick! ick!

When you travel out of California you realize what babies we have become about smoking. In other states, people are still smoking in restaurants. I love the ridiculousness of the restaurant hostess/host's question, "Smoking or Non-Smoking?". As if the air will maintain an imaginary border and the smoker's air will respectfully stay clear of the non-smoker's air. Bars are another place where I know I'm a spoiled Californian. I actually do still remember the days of going out to clubs and, upon returning home, hanging my clothes up overnight to air out because they reeked of cigarette smoke.

I'm also such a spoiled, cranky baby about it that I can smell smoke a mile away! I get irritated when someone is walking down the street smoking in front of me. In line or in a crowd is another smoker's paradise that irks me.

The good news is, I'm not alone. As I was searching online for an image to go with this blog, I discovered there are tons of people with blogs and campaigns against cigarette litter. The beaches seem to be a big focus of many of these campaigns. My favorite campaign ad states, "Enough with all the butts on the beach.", and has a great photo to go with it. It's put together by an eco-organization SEWS (surfers against sewage) in Britain. Gotta love those Brits. I almost posted the picture for this blog, but was worried what Jacob, Josh, and Jessica might think!

Then I also found a site where someone is working for a Responsible Smokers Act and is advocating for more public ashtrays. That way we can at least encourage the litter bugs to dispose of the remains responsibly.

I hope I haven't offended my smoker friends. YOU have always been respectful of non-smokers and you put your butts in the garbage. (My good bud in Palm Springs goes above and beyond to respect my lungs when I'm with her, and she NEVER drops her butts on the ground.) I love you all, cigs or no cigs. And I hope, after this official tirade on trash, you still love me.

Gettin' The Job Done

2009-02-15T18:36:00.000-08:00

In my old career, you couldn't just shirk your job respon-sibilities. In other words, you couldn't be a screw-up at work. But there are some companies that just seem to tolerate inefficiency. Take AT&T for example. Every time...and I mean EVERY TIME...I call about a charge or I need to change/add services, the job never gets done. I always have to call back again and sometimes again AND again to rehash the story, each time to someone new. Then the wait time of a few days (or a few weeks) to see if things were done correctly before I make the next call. Maybe these companies oughta instate a mid-day napping time - just to give the old noggins a little freshening up.

As a teacher, you really can't screw up. You can't even be late to work. There are 33 children lined up outside the door every morning and I have to be there. I also can't completely BS my way through the day. Imagine standing in front of a group of 10-year-olds to teach the American Revolution followed by the formula for the area of a triangle, but you've done ZERO research on either of those things. You wouldn't last long. (Yes, there are bad teachers, but that's a different story.)

But then I wonder if certain businesses encourage ineptitude. There are alot of people that don't do their jobs at AT&T but they continue to have jobs there. And if you saw the movie "Sicko" you know that some of the "Health Care" providers and HMOs would reward workers for denying claims because it saved the company money. I swear, when I call these places, I'm sure they are playing Solitaire or Whack a Mole while I relay the very sad story about my needs. Then when I finish my rant, they give me that crappy canned response, "I'm very sorry ma'am, let me see if I can help you." Blah, blah. I just know they hold the phone away from their ears while I'm talking.

Then there's the state legislators. They are supposed to have a budget by now, but they're still working on it while we all fret and suffer the consequences. This botched decision-making process is beginning to take its toll as lack of funding causes schools to brace themselves for layoffs, increased class sizes, and fewer support programs. Isn't it the legislator's JOB to do this budget thing?!?!!! Why is it always such a big surprise every year. So much of this is just poor management and people that suck at their jobs. So we don't know if education will have a budget or not. We might get absolutely nuthin'. Hmmmm. My dear friend, Helen, says that eventually we are going back to a stick and a sandbox to teach.

We'll still get the job done. Wax on, wax off.

All of Us These Days

2008-12-31T09:52:00.000-08:00

I have always considered myself technologically savvy. I remember when I starting teaching, I was one of the few teachers at my school that could create my own worksheets for the class and use the internet with ease. But along with my lower back hurting and sometimes turning the music DOWN, I realize I'm getting old as I watch IM-ing, texting, and e-mailing take over the world of communication.

When texting first hit the scene, I thought it was ridiculous to use on a regular basis, because by the time it took me to text a "hello" (two clicks 4, two clicks 3, three clicks 5, three clicks 5 again, three clicks 6, find name in address book, hit send) I could have called, talked to the person, and said a perfectly cordial goodbye. So why wouldn't I call instead? I'd rather hear their voice and get instant feedback anyway. I do see the value of texting when I'm in a "no talk zone" (movie, meeting, library). It is a handy little gadget that lets you shoot off a quick message to someone. But what's with texting and e-mailing replacing phone calls?

About a month ago, I decided that whenever someone texted me, I was going to pick up the phone and call them back. I thought it would be kinda funny, because some people use texting as a way to stay at arms length, and that irritates the crap outta me. I also thought calling back would be an interesting psychological experiment. What will the other person do? Will they sit and watch the phone ring, staring at my caller ID? My feeling is, if you don't want to talk to me, then what's the point of contact in the first place?

The other day I got a text from a friend wanting to "hang out". Ok, so I called back and, of course, she didn't pick up, soooooooo I left a VOICE message responding to the text. Then I didn't hear back for 3 days. Maybe she meant she wanted to hang out in different places and just text back and forth.

Yesterday I called a friend to discuss some tentative plans we had made during a previous person to person voice call. (Yea!) I left her a VOICE mail and a day later she E-MAILED me back. What the heck? That's just wrong! I wasn't even ON the computer. How'd I get an e-mail back? I'm beginning to come to the frightening realization that if we want to stay in touch with people we have to check our e-mail, voice mail, text messages, and instant messages every day. I'm sorry, but that's just too much! It used to be (get ready for this, people under 20), that when you wanted to talk to or see someone you would call them on the phone. If they didn't pick up, it meant they weren't available so you would leave a courteous message. When they were able to retrieve the message, they would CALL you back. I long for those simpler times.

It's not that I don't get it. I remember when e-mailing started up. It was a great way to stay in touch with people far away without sitting down to write a letter and address an envelope. Also, if you don't want to wake someone with a phone call because you're on a different time schedule, e-mailing is sweet. Awesome, right? But the dark side of e-mailing, and we ALL know this, is you can write to someone instead of talking to them to avoid that level of intimacy that voice contact gives us. Now, that has its place, don't get me wrong. For instance, when you owe someone an apology and Hallmark ain't gonna cut it, or when you haven't been in touch with someone for years and you want to approach respectfully and, perhaps, cautiously. But the dark side is the e-mail when we really don't want to talk to someone, or when we are staying in touch out of some messed up sense of obligation, or when we can't stand the intimacy. Which are you?

When the miracle occurs and someone DOES call, and I miss the call, I feel the panic set in of a missed opportunity because 9 times out of 10, I'll get their voice mail when I called back. I could turn this into an extreme paranoia that it's just the people in my life, but I have witnessed it in other arenas AND my self-esteem is reasonably in tact, cuz I'm a helluvalotta fun to "hang" with!

I don't make New Years resolutions, but I will say this... If I'm not willing to see you, I'm not calling you, e-mailing, texting, instant messaging, or whatever the hell comes next. If it's not clear yet, when it comes to communication...I prefer the phone call, or better yet, a face to face encounter (remember those?). It would be easy to blame it on "kids these days" but it really is all of us, these days. Come on people, smile on your brother, everybody GET TOGETHER, instead of texting each other right now.

PS- thanks for calling, Roxxie!

My Time To Pee

2008-12-23T10:40:00.000-08:00

Yes, yesterday I peed alot. I had lots of beverages, and I peed when I wanted to. When I felt the slight twinge of a need, I just went ahead and excused myself to the restroom. I peed in the bathroom at an apartment showing, I peed at a restaurant, I peed at an office building, I peed at Safeway, I peed at a club, I peed at a bar, and I peed every time I came back home.

If you're a teacher, you know where I'm headed with this. Because as teachers, we don't have the luxury of peeing because we feel like it, we pee on a schedule. Here's my workday pee schedule:

1) MUST go before the 8:30am bell rings
2) Opportunity at 10:20am*, use if necessary, but keep in mind, the next chance is 12:15pm
3) Anytime in the window between 12:15 and 12:50pm
4) Next small window of 1:50-2:00pm*
5) After school from 3:00pm on is pee freedom

(*Time not valid during weeks of yard duty)

Now let's talk speed. (Accuracy will not be addressed here since it's generally a no-brainer for the ladies.) I can pee hecka-fast. You have to be able to move quickly as a teacher, because recess is jam packed. There are stories students are dying to tell you, chats with the disruptive students, inquiries about homework that is due, last minute copies to make for the next lesson, picking up mail and messages from the office, etc., etc., etc. So if you can't literally pee like a racehorse, you are out of the race. Good luck!

So, I said I CAN pee hecka-fast. But when I'm off the clock, I don't have to push out a forceful stream that would rival a fire hydrant explosion. I can take my sweet time. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT a reader in the bathroom. I do not enjoy a magazine when I'm in to do my business. But, I do enjoy the extra time I can take for the entire ritual. The tucking of the shirt, the belt-buckling, the full-drying of the hands, the checking of teeth for any meal particles, etc. Just last night I had the pleasure of peeing alongside my friend Pitt. She commented on the leisurely amount of time I took in the stall. I explained. I am not on anyone's schedule. There are no stories from 10-year-olds, no copies to make, no messages to retrieve, no "private conferences" about appropriate classroom behavior. NO, there will be none of that today! I am on Winter Break, and... it is MY time to pee.

1 + 1 = 2

2008-09-25T17:42:00.000-07:00

I've got 34 kids in my class this year, though our contract states that the cap is 32. I'm not alone. Most of the intermediate teachers (grades 4-6) at my school have 34 in their classrooms. We "filed a grievance" with the teacher's union, and they fight for us, but it's CHEAPER for the district to pay off the grievance than to hire another teacher. CHEAPER!!! This kills me. It's so sad. I'm doing crowd control all day and can show you the bruises on my legs from bumping into desks packed into a room built in 1964. Next time you watch a movie that shows a classroom, do a quick headcount. Most movies and programs show classrooms with about 15-20 kids. That doesn't happen most places. In some districts they strictly limit class sizes. What does this mean? Kids get more attention from the teacher, can be heard in the classroom, and have a better chance for participation and learning. My sister teaches middle school in another district and she averages 40 or more students. And they have raging hormones too. Yikes!

I also have 2 grade levels this year. The dreaded "combination class". Agh...don't get me started. But here's a question for all you logic fans: How many teachers does it take to teach a year's worth of curriculum to 2 grade levels? If you said TWO, good for you. You're right! So why do some districts (including mine) insist on making combination classes where one teacher is expected to teach 2 grade levels, 2 separate lists of standards, in the same amount of time that another teacher teaches one grade level? This is a big elephant in the room, the emperor and his new clothes...whatever. It's a joke. Even if you're SUPER teacher, you are still only one person with 34 kids. You do the math, my friends.

Get Joy

2008-09-24T19:05:00.000-07:00

I stayed away from this blog for awhile. I don't exactly know why. But the other night I was out with a friend and I said something about having a tough academic year last year and she said, "Yeah, I could kinda tell from your blog." I had already been thinking about my need to revise the teaching plan this year. I'm moving away from some of the politics and moving back toward the fun and enjoyment of teaching.

I was thinking about my first year of teaching. It was a BEAST, for sure, but I had so much fun with the students. I remember that year fondly, already forgetting about the mounds of papers I would bring home to correct on the weekend, the lack of grade level support, and the "figure it out as you go along" predicament of many first year teachers. Anyway, I want to enjoy my job as much as possible again. Kids are so entertaining and many of them really have the desire to learn.

So, today in my 4th and 5th grade class we were starting to read about the presidential candidates and ended up talking for awhile about the upcoming election. I don't know if the kids were stalling so they wouldn't have to read, but we had a rich discussion. They had great questions about who gets to vote, how the government makes decisions, why non-citizens can't vote, etc. One boy asked if poor people could vote. Another student asked what happens if the election ends in a tie. We decided that the candidates should just do "rock, paper, scissors" (a.k.a. roshambo) to determine the winner. (I guess they could do best two out of three, if that seems more presidential.) Finally, a girl asked if her grandpa's 90 year old tortoise could vote. I'm pretty sure she was kidding, but, I thought to myself, hey, if we recently had a monkey for a president, why can't a tortoise vote?

Waterfall of Youth

2008-04-11T18:49:00.001-07:00

The other day I told my class of 5th graders that I had just been drinking from a waterfall of youth while I was on vacation. "I think I can make it through the rest of the school year," I proclaimed. Well, they didn't believe that I was really drinking the water. They were actually pretty funny about it. The kids who "pretended to believe" still found ways to let me know that they knew better. The kids who questioned it all along were tossing around phrases like, "Oh, that's a green screen."

That's a green screen?!!? Give me a break. "In my day" no 11-year-old kid knew about a green screen. We were lucky to be dazzled by the mysteriously engaging Pong video game. That was the tennis style game where a square (the ball) is bouncing around and you have to hit it with a bold line (the racquet). My sister and I clocked many hours of the mid-1970s in our den when the home version of that "stroke" of genius hit the stores. But to understand the green screen, well, grasshopper, that's something else.

Then another kid began to tell me about a green screen. I had to stop him. "I KNOW what a green screen is!" I told him. But how do these little varmits know about it? I used to think the "industry lingo" from my past career as a visual effects producer was not really common knowledge. Well, apparently, now it is.

The kids actually had fun with the picture. One girl brought her older sister in after school and showed it to her. Her sister kinda rolled her eyes, but I knew she was diggin' it too.

Can I Get a Witness?

2008-03-22T17:53:00.000-07:00

A year ago, my colleagues and I were walking the line, the strike line, that is. Many of our students were "striking with us" by staying home, but some still came to school. The scabs that crossed the picket line gave our students packets of "busy work" and let them watch "Sponge Bob" and "Pimp My Ride" on TV in the classroom. We've come a long way from those difficult times, or have we?

Sometimes I forget about what my reactions were like when I first starting working in the public schools. I was initially outraged by the working conditions. You see, I was used to working for companies that made good money and treated their employees as important assets. The VENTILATED bathrooms were clean and stocked with tissues, lotion, etc., the kitchens were stocked with snacks and water, juice and sodas, while coffee brewed every morning for the employees. Food was ordered in for you if you had to work through lunch. All those civil "conveniences" disappeared when I started teaching elementary school.

Teachers who have been teaching for a long time don't even notice things that completely shocked me. They've become complicit in their own sub-standard working conditions. The first school I student taught at had teacher bathrooms that were converted from the kid bathrooms. The "conversion" consisted of the toilet version of a high chair. (See photo.) It was a "lift" that was set on the seat so you didn't have to squat so far to sit down. I didn't even know they made these! This same bathroom was also being used as a storage room so it was packed full of boxes. The sink didn't have hot water either. Then the first school I taught at had a staff lunch room with no hot water and a bathroom with no hot water. I was flabbergasted! Working in the "Petri dish" we call a classroom has you exposed to all kinds of germs and bacteria. I wanted to wash my hands with hot water! Is that too much to ask?

My current school has hot water in the bathroom. It also has hot water in the staff room. Hallelujah! This was certainly a perk! And Kathy, our office manager (and much more!), puts out snacks everyday in the office for us all to munch on as we pass through. I've never asked, but I'm sure she buys those snacks with her own money. What she may or may not know is that those snacks are a morale booster. It makes me feel appreciated. She also decorated the bathroom, so it feels like a real honest to goodness adult experience. It may sound silly, but those things make an impression on a person. (Thanks, Kathy!)

I've had to modify my belief that my work environment is a reflection of how I am valued. If I went into the public schools clinging to that theory, I would have quit after my first week. I think the schools/districts/state get away with it because most teachers are crazy when it comes to what they are willing to do. Why? Because it's for the kids. And what a way to exploit us! We are willing to put up with all kinds of crap because our goal is to make things better for the kids. So many teachers spend thousands of dollars a year on their classrooms and the kids. It's not as if they're buying laptops for everyone. They're buying, markers, pencil boxes, pencil sharpeners, erasers, copy paper, art materials, etc. Basically, it's the NECESSARY supplies. And most teachers never get reimbursed for everything, if anything. I ask you, what job can you think of where an employee buys things for the office or a client and they DON'T get reimbursed?

They've got us, though. Because "they" know that we won't stop buying what the kids need, because we don't want them to suffer. I realize I'm not being exploited like a migrant farm worker or something, but it IS still criminal, in my mind.

Don't let the Governor cut the education budget!!! Sign the petition by clicking here. It takes 30 seconds. Thanks!

Priorities

2008-03-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

I lost my good friend Ingrid recently. She was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor two days after Christmas, and then she was gone less than a week later. It made me think about priorities. What do I hold dear? How do I want to be remembered? What matters in the big picture?

The day after she died, I sat in a long staff meeting after school going over all the paperwork that each teacher needs to fill out to show the state of California that our school is teaching the standards in the way the state sees fit. You see, our school district's test scores are "too low". We're a "PI" district which means Program Improvement. So the state sends in a team to poke around and decide why the test scores are not going up to their satisfaction. So all the teachers at my site sat there in this meeting making lists of our students who are struggling, documenting our daily agenda, showing evidence that we've been using the tests they want us to, providing our pacing guides to prove we are teaching at a dictated pace, etc., etc, etc.

I couldn't concentrate too well because I was thinking about priorities. Is it a priority to have a roomful of highly competent and qualified teachers filling out redundant paperwork? I thought about the irony of the state telling us we need to teach better so test scores will improve, but instead of letting us use this time to build our meaningful lessons, we are pushing papers so they can say, "See, we're making teachers accountable." What a crock. I'm tired of being dumped on by the district and the state. Here's an example: We are given roomfuls of students that are learning English, but no additional funding, resources, or teachers to help these kids. (There's a plethora of other examples that I will spare you.) Gee, I wonder why the test scores are low when the ONLY measure of success that is used by the state is a culturally biased bubble-in multiple-guess-test covering ONLY Math and English Language Arts.

Not only is this the hardest job I've had, it's the most impossible. You can't lift an elephant with a plastic spoon. (I don't know where that just came from...but I think it works.)

My friend Michele and I decided that our district needs to purchase t-shirts that read:

We're in PI
So I'm P.O.'d
Cuz it's PU
Ah, let's go to P.E.!

Or perhaps I can expand this into lyrics and send it to the Angry Tired Teachers band set to the music of "We Care A Lot" by Faith No More (as long as they remember to credit me).

P.S. The pictured bumper sticker and other precious gems are available at http://www.cafepress.com/

You Can Never Be Too Careful

2008-03-04T20:04:00.001-08:00

The other night I was out at a Tiki bar for a friend's birthday. Everyone was having either a drink in a bowl or drinks that were lit on fire before partaking, all of which are basically rum punches. Needless to say, being a 5th grade teacher is the last thing on my mind, until....
I overheard a friend talking and she said, "Well, me and Shar went to [such and such a place]...". Suddenly I found my mind racing with grammar rules. Dammit! I can't escape it. If YOU are the subject, for instance, "me and Shar" went somewhere, then it HAS to be said, "Shar and I", because you are the subject of the sentence. Now, if you had said, "The bartender served me and Shar a drink," then YOU are part of the predicate and therefore "me and Shar", or better, "Shar and me" (always naming yourself last) would be grammatically correct.

Then suddenly I caught myself, standing there in the bar, surrounded by flaming Tiki drinks and Hawaiian shirts. What the hell is wrong with me? I'm correcting grammar at a birthday party. My only consolation was that this was all happening in my head...until now.

Next morning I'm driving to school and I'm still a bit grammatically feverish. I pass a CalTrans road sign that reads, "Roadwork Ahead...(next screen) Drive Careful". OK...so..."careful" is an adverb here because it tells HOW we should drive, so it should read, "Drive Carefully". It appeared, however that the character space was limited on this sign and they had to cut off the "ly" and were forced into this grammatical error ( I hope). Regardless, I passed this sign everyday for weeks after that and it bothered me every single time. That's not a good way to start your day. I would pass it at about 7:15am and then be expected to spread rays of sunshine over 30 ten-year-olds at 8:00am. That's just asking too much.

I Didn't Vote For Him

2008-03-03T19:00:00.000-08:00

This is our governor. This is an elected official. This is the Terminator.
It took me a long time to get over the fact that we, Californians, voted Arnold Schwarzenegger into office. I'm reminded of the stupidity every time I see my Official Teaching Credential. You see, the governor signs our credentials, so I have the Terminator's autograph. On my credential.

I called it my cartoon credential when I first got it, but that didn't go over well with prospective employers.

Anyway, the whole reason I'm telling this story is because Arnold has been touring the state of CA to observe and eyeball the "underperforming" schools and districts in the state. In order to raise test scores on the ONE test that is measured for the year, some schools may need new teachers and new principals. There are only 96 districts in the state that are in this predicament. Hmmm...sounds systemic to me. But what the hell do I know?

Anyhow, the next news story (and I mean, next; right on the heels of) was about the state budget crisis. Major cuts are expected in certain areas like, well, you know, education. Teachers, school counselors, support staff will be laid off. Special programs would be eliminated such as technical education, family literacy, parent resource centers, after-school programs. Class sizes will increase...you know, stuff like that. No big deal. I'm just seeing a disconnect. More demands, fewer resources. Now, I'm no business major, but things don't add up.

P.S. Yes, I had to look up how to spell Schwarzenegger

iPods and 40s- A Unique Generation

2008-01-13T19:50:00.001-08:00

The best part about teaching is, well, duh...the kids. I've never been one of those "oochy-coohie-coo, I just love kids" people, but when you're with them 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, it's an adventure. Sometimes a moment I have with a kid is so profound, ironic, or ridiculously funny. Over my 6 years of working with kids, I've gathered a few stories that I'd like to share with you here.

1997 (or so): I was working at a rough elementary school in North Oakland. The students at this school were tough and they didn't have much. But every school always has the obligatory December holiday assembly.
This assembly was filled with the usual barrage of squeaking clarinets and kids bouncing off the walls on a candy cane high. As the production began, I snuck in the back and leaned up against the wall next to Fred. Relegated to his usual place at the back wall, this 5th grader had seen some things I never will. Enter Santa Claus, played by a woman that is one of those people that widens her eyes when she talks to kids and uses a slooow, sickening-sweet, inauthentic voice. She stood on the stage in front of all 500 children and said, "Well hello boys and girls! Santa couldn't be here today. Do you know WHY Santa couldn't be here today?" Through the chorus of little voices shouting answers from around the room, 11-year-old Fred leans over to me and mumbles under his breath, "I know why Santa isn't here."

"Why's that, Fred?"

"He had to stop off at the store for a 40."

I was stationed at this school while working for Sports4Kids. My job was to provide structured activities for the kids at recess and lead PE classes during the day. The playground was an expanse of nothing but blacktop. It had three basketball courts with missing rims and crumbling backboards. One day I was heading out for recess, across the battlefield, to get equipment out, teach kids games, and PLAY with them. Yoshi, a sweet boy who always liked to help, was following me and chatting away. He showed me this rock that he was holding in his hand. It was a beautiful malachite stone with its shiny green and black streaks. "Here. You can have it," he said to me.

"Oh no, Yoshi, I can't take your rock. It's too beautiful. It's yours." (In my mind I was thinking about how this kid was one of the "have-nots" and I didn't want to take his prized possession.) He looked up at me, pinched his face up in bewilderment, and said, "But I'm GIVING it to you."

He taught me a lesson that day about friendship and accepting gifts. As I type this I'm looking at Yoshi's rock.

2005: During my first year of teaching,the district and state were breathing down our necks and crawling up our a@%es to make sure we found a way to raise our test scores. We analyzed so much data, we had it coming out of every oraface. Needless to say, we had a challenging demographic of students. I noticed that teaching English and Language Arts (ELA) was one of the hardest things of all. Most of my students didn't speak English as a first language. In fact, even those that spoke English didn't speak the academic English we were directed to teach. Vocabulary development is a tricky one too, which is where this next student comes in. Now I didn't have this student in my class, but I heard the story an hour after it happened from her teacher and it goes like this:

TEACHER: "Dismayed. Does anyone know the meaning of the word 'dismayed'?"

One hand goes up.

STUDENT: "Yeah, it's like, when my mama and I dismayed a cake."

2007: Just before the holiday break this year, I was saying goodbye to one of my fifth grade students who doesn't know all of her multiplcation facts yet. She was telling me about the cousin that she would be seeing over the break who happened to be in third grade. "She already knows all HER multiplication tables!" the student boasted on behalf of her cousin.

"Well, doesn't that inspire you to learn them too?" I asked.

As she paused for a moment I could see she was really thinking about the question. Then she replied, "Um, not really. I'm more of an iPod person."

Hot Showers and Expletives

2008-01-13T18:46:00.000-08:00

Forgive me...it's been awhile since my last confession. But, it's been a rough year. I'm coming to the realization that this teaching thing is the hardest job I've ever had. The first year of teaching is a BEAST, a monster with a pulse of its own that will gladly consume you - if you let it. But now I'm in my fourth year and it's still kicking my ass. I've been comforted, however, by veteran teachers that say they are still working long hours, even after teaching for 20 years. You see, each year your class has a new life. The students bring different challenges to you as a teacher and no matter how many lessons I've already taught or fabulous worksheets or games I've designed the year before, it's rarely (if ever) plug and play.

I was thinking about the things I do to maintain my sanity outside of work. Sometimes a hot shower is the best. But as I was taking a shower yesterday, suddenly I caught myself thinking about school again. We've been working on a unit about water conservation and we have discussed the need to take short showers, in order to conserve water, our most precious resource. Well, here's one place where I'll preach it alright...but I can't say I practice it regularly. So now I'm trying to enjoy my long hot shower and I'm wondering how big of a hypocrite this makes me. But sometimes, when that hot water is running down my back I like to comfort myself with the justification that I don't drive an SUV and I'm damn committed to recycling. Some of the best showers have been when I take a cold beer in with me, and then of course recycle the bottle afterwards.

Anyway, as I was saying before, this job is tough. There's never enough time in the day and there's always more to do. I cringe every time I add another paper to the already huge mound of papers in my "to be filed" box. But it's just not the number one priority. I told a colleague the other day that when I win the lottery, I'm hiring assistants for all of us. Seriously, I'd be on cloud nine if I just had someone (of reasonable intelligence) that could help me organize, file, grade papers, and help make copies...those hundreds of copies I make every week! Although, some of my few adult interactions in a day are at the copy machine. It's a rare chance to check-in, share ideas, or just say hello to the colleagues I rarely see. The majority of my day is spent with 10 year olds. A great audience for my juvenile sense of humor, but sometimes I long to speak to an adult, if only just to say the "f" word.

A Teacher's Summer

2007-07-18T19:17:00.000-07:00

What do teachers do in the summer? Perhaps they vacation for three months. Or they finally get to watch Oprah everyday. Well, surely they sleep in, have a leisurely brunch, and stroll around the neighborhood, giggling as they pass all the storefronts with people working at a feverish pace?

I'd love to say that's it. I EVEN hoped that would be it when I got into teaching. If you want to maintain that illusion, I don't blame you. I'm doing my best to TRY to make it a reality, but it just ain't happenin'. Instead, let me break it down for ya. First there are always weeks of P.D. (that's teacher lingo for "Professional Development") in the summer. The good news is, it's optional. The bad news is, there's lots of pressure to do SOME P.D. during the summer. Lots of the required trainings are given over the summer so you can "get it out of the way" and not be stuck doing weeks of lesson plans for the subs that will cover your class when you go to P.D.

Next are all the enticing "sales" at the office supply and teacher stores. Many teachers I know are busy stocking up on next years' school supplies at whatever discounted rates they can find. Donna told me that Staples was selling the little pencil sharpeners for 9 cents a piece, though you could only buy 5 at a time. She took her sister and they went into the store 2 times each, but still not enough for a class set. I was just picturing myself bringing my costume box that's full of capes, wigs, glasses, and mustaches and making 7 trips into the same store, each time with a different disguise in order to outfit my classroom with pencil sharpeners.

What's the world coming to? I am still outraged at the fact that teacher's spend thousands of dollars on their classrooms each year. We hope the PTA will give us $100 - $200 to help offset the cost. Then sometimes the government gives us a $250 write off on our taxes. But that's it. So while on vacation, and making no money, teachers are spending money on their classrooms.

Now, I'll tell you. I've been reluctant to do lots of trainings in the summers and I try not to spend too much money on my classroom each year, because it never seemed "right" to me. But regardless, out of our 10 weeks off in the summer, I have spent 2 weeks in trainings for two summers each and I discovered at tax time that I spent over $1000 on school supplies last year. I got a $250 deduction on my taxes and $150 from my PTA. You do the math. I'm out a bundle. YES, I love the kids. YES, I want my curriculum to be engaging. But how many other jobs can you think of where people spend over $600 a year out of their own pocket to service their clients without being reimbursed.

Something has got to change.

Lastly, there are many teachers that work over the summer. Some teach summer school, while others do something unrelated to education to sort of give themselves a break. This year I did 2 weeks of P.D. and 2 days a week of summer school because I needed the money. So as much as I'd love to be kicking back and loungin', it's not in the cards for me this year.

So next time you meet a teacher and you don't know what to say about their crappy salary, please don't make that uninformed, infuriating comment, "Well, you have three months off."
DOH!!!

The Truth Hurts

2007-05-21T22:16:00.000-07:00

As Rosanne Rosannadanna used to say, "If it's not one thing, it's another!"

My coworker, Mister T (T is for techie), has just informed me that Microsoft is refunding money after losing a class action lawsuit for overcharging on pre-installed computer products. (I'll save you the gory details.) Anyhoo...our school spent money (NOT district money), to purchase the equipment that is eligible for the refund, to the tune of $27,800. That's quite a chunk of change. How nice that we will get this money and be able to look at our site and decide how best to use it to support our students and their learning!

Whoops...rewind. Uh,...turns out, the story is that the district is planning to KEEP all the money for themselves and decide how to spend it from the district level. Well, dip me in "you-know-what"! That money came out of our local site budget and should go right back!

Here's a word problem for you, if you need it spelled out again:

John has 15 marbles. He gives 10 of his marbles to Jane in trade for a Pentium Processor. John's best friend Mark also traded 10 marbles to Jane for the Pentium Processor, but discovered from a guy named Chip that Jane was overcharging and the Pentium Chip should really have cost 7 marbles. Chip and Mark start a class action suit against Jane where John will also receive any benefits from the suit. When they win, Jane sends back the marbles that she overcharged. Chip gets his, Mark gets his, but John's marbles are given to his dictating great-grandfather and John will never see a dime of it!

Our school is not the only one in this situation. In our district, the total award is $992,899.17 spread out among 30 schools. I would have never known about this if it hadn't been for Mister T drumming up support. I get caught up important television programming on the E! channel all too often. Ignorance is bliss because the truth HURTS!

My only hope is that this story turns out to be complete propaganda and is worthy of a slot on E!

Power to the People

2007-05-21T19:07:00.000-07:00

I want to dedicate this entry to the people that handed out lots of good will during the teacher strike. The outpouring of love and support from so many families and friends helped us through the times of depression and frustration. Here's some of details...
First of all, we had a parent come by one chilly morning, open up the back of her SUV, and serve up a breakfast burrito buffet. She had warm corn tortillas, beans, rice, and eggs. Muy deliciosa! Then there were the countless families that came by with doughnuts, coffee, and hot chocolate. There were also families dropping off cases of water and juice in addition to the woman that stopped by one warm afternoon to deliver fresh lemonade made from the lemons off her tree!

Dominos Pizza also delivered a stack of pizzas to us one day. It was a whole assortment of flavors, including my all time fave, canadian bacon and pineapple. The manager of the store is a former student of Hayward Schools and now has kids in the schools. And let me tell you, this was the best Dominos Pizza I have ever had. I think they did 'em up extra special for us.

Next, a special thank you to Liz, the parent down the street that let us use her bathroom!

Then there were the personal friends and loved ones that helped me out during the 10 days with no pay. Friends fed me, took me to a concert, and gave lots of financial support (thanks mucho, CV).

And an extra special thanks to our Office Manager, Kathy H., who brought out trays of food, soup, or munchies everyday. She was supported by the wonderful Pam, Kathy G., and Sue. It was tough on them, though. Surprisingly enough, they caught some flack from district personnel for being understanding and kind to us while we were out on the picket line. I guess the district thought that the non-striking staff could completely ignore us and then we would all work together in harmony after the strike ended. Well, I feel bad for the school sites that had a divide down the lines based on strikers vs. non-strikers. And by "non-strikers" I mean staff that is not part of the same contract so they were not legal to strike. Our school was fortunate in that all of our "legal to strike" employees did just that, so we really were united. But for schools that had teachers cross the line, it's gotta be tough to all come back together after some of us paid the price to get a better salary in all of our contracts!

The principals were also in an interesting position. As administrators, they answer to the district, so they are expected to support district policy. Yet, on the other hand, the principals work with us, their teachers...everyday! And, for the most part, they support and respect us. We had a principal that was as supportive as she could have been, considering the politics. But some principals were acting as spies for the district and were outwardly opposing their staff. OUCH! I can't imagine going back to work with/for someone that treated me with disrespect during a contract issue that they had no control over settling themselves.

Politics. The appalling and embarrassing reality of this profession. You need thick skin, energy to fight, and lots of resiliency.

Lastly I want to mention a really special thing that happened when I returned to the classroom. If you read my earlier posting titled "Phoning Home" , you are aware of a father I spoke to that was NOT supportive. Well, when we were finally back to school, this man's son (my student) brought me a Thank You card from mom. She said that she fully supported our strike and believes that, "Teachers deserve good pay for all that you do for our students." She ended the note by saying, "...know that you are appreciated!" It felt so nice to know that the whole household wasn't resenting me, though I imagine that it might have created some tension in the house as the days rolled on and mom kept her kids home from school.

Well...Thank YOU! to the parents, families, and community members in Hayward for making a painful strike bearable.
I wish you all peace, prosperity, and the riches that all of life has to offer.

Viva La Huelga!

2007-04-29T16:19:00.000-07:00

The strike is over! After 10 days of waiting for negotiations, wondering when we would see our kids again, wondering when we would earn a daily wage again...FINALLY it's over. Whew! What a relief. I got the call at about 10pm on Wednesday night and was back in my classroom Thursday morning at 7:15 am. Driving into the school parking lot suddenly felt like a privilege. It had been 3 full weeks since I had been on that "side". When I opened my classroom door, I felt like Geraldo Rivera cracking open the tomb. The scabs hadn't used my classroom, so it was just as I left it. I'm such a great "hider" too. I had hidden away some things so well, that I couldn't find them again.

The first day back I asked the students to write to me and tell me what they did that was educational during the strike. A few students were out catching ladybugs, while others learned some multiplication tables. For the most part, I think they played, not fully realizing what an emotional rollercoaster their teacher had been on.

I will continue this blog. The strike was the great motivator to get it started, but there is much more to share about this chosen profession of mine. In the end we got a decent cost of living adjustment, but I still say that good teachers are grossly underpaid. Will that be my crusade? Only time will tell. There are so many things I could put my energy toward in the world of public education, but for the next few days I'm gonna enjoy the kids I teach and get back to 'biness'.

Kids First

2007-04-24T22:28:00.000-07:00

While we're on strike, some folks are claiming that the teachers don't really care about the kids - that we (teachers) only care about ourselves. EXCUUUUUUUSE ME? Have you BEEN to an elementary school? Have you spent time INSIDE the classroom? Teachers spend their entire careers sacrificing their time and money as a labor of love for their students. We eat, breath, and sleep our students. I drive home everyday thinking about how to improve a lesson I'm teaching or how to get little Kareem to focus in class. I have a colleague that grades papers while she's at red lights. Others go into school every weekend to catch up on work and prepare. We do field trips, enrichment classes after school, homework help before or after school, etc.

My friend M and I were walking her painfully cute pup today and she pointed out that we are SO all about the kids everyday, but it just so happens that right now we have to watch our own backs. We are usually standing up for the children, our whole careers are based on child advocacy, but this time we have to stand up for ourselves. So, YES, the students are missing school while us teachers are on strike. And, teachers, above all, realize that the two weeks of lost instruction time (added to the layer of fog surrounding students after a week of spring break) have us further behind than we want to think about. But that is an unfortunate byproduct of the strike. We LOVE our kids. We really do. I miss those 32 sets of eyes looking to me every morning wondering what's in store for the day. I miss the way they light up when they learn something new. I miss picking pencils up off the floor at the end of each day so we don't run out again. I can't believe I miss the musky "kid smell" of the room, and I also miss the learning, and the laughter. Heck....I even miss straightening out the desk aisles everyday - one of my least favorite jobs.

One of the Hayward School Board Members, J.C.,(that's not Jesus, by the way) wrote an OPINION piece in the local paper claiming that the union does not have the best interest of the students at heart. Well...DUH! That's NOT the union's job. The union represents the teachers and we, the teachers, stand up for our students. What really chaps my hide is when he spends a coupla paragraphs giving lip service to what the students need. Quote: "If students really come first, why have I not heard HEA (nor anyone but the school board) ask first, "What educational 'raise' or increase do the students 'deserve' and 'need'?" DUDE! WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!
Every teacher and school site can give you a nice long list of what we've been asking for and NEEDING for years. I was insulted when I read his opinion piece. I had to breathe. Breathe, Sal, Breathe. It's an opinion. But the sad part is that he is one of the school board members.

Where was Mister "get the students what they deserve" when I had 43 students in my class for 3 weeks at the beginning of the year? There weren't enough desks or supplies for all the students in my class AND it was a safety hazard. Kids were perched in chairs, without desks, all over the class, blocking doorways and aisles. Where's the school board OR the district when we don't have enough books for all the students? Where are they when a troubled student is constantly disrupting the learning of others? Where are they when one teacher is given two grade levels to teach in the same amount of time that we teach one grade level? What about the general upkeep of the school sites? Some of these schools look like war zones. What message does that send to the students? Does it say, "Hey, we want you to go to Stanford!" ? When you claim that you wanna do something for the kids,frankly, you're talkin' outta your a**.

Don't talk to me about the kids suffering or about what they need. We know that they suffer everyday in the public education system. But it's the teachers and school staff that find creative ways to make the short-comings of a broken school system transparent to all of our students.

Break It Down

2007-04-22T18:00:00.000-07:00

There are lots of teachers reading this, so I really didn't break down the details and demands related to the Hayward Teachers strike. But now that a wider net is being cast, I want to lay it down for ya. Hayward Teachers are striking because we deserve a better raise than what the district has offered. Here are the FACTS:

**Hayward Teachers are the 2nd lowest paid teachers out of 8 surrounding districts.

**The Hayward Unified School District Superintendent of Schools is the highest paid out of the same 8 surrounding districts.

**2002-2003 school year: Increase from State was 2%, our salary increase was 0%.

**2003-2004: Increase from State was -1.2%, our salary increase was 0%.

**2004-2005: Increase from State was 4%, our salary increase was 2.87%

**2005-2006: Increase from State was 5.5%, our salary increase was 0.83% (with 0.41% not fully retroactive for the year).

**2006-2007: Increase from State was 8.08%, our salary increase is what we're fighting for.

**During a few of the little to no increase years, the district was financially in the red. So in order to help the district get back into the black, teachers agreed to not take a raise.

**July 2006: Top administrators are given a 16.84% raise. This was recommended by the superintendent and approved by the board of education. The justification? It was necessary to provide comparable salaries for them in order to ensure their
retention.

**July 2006: Teacher salary is up for negotiation. Since the school board took the lead and approved a 16.84% raise for administrators, teachers are happy to have the same, under the same justification. If we want to improve our district (as the superintendent claims) then we should have salaries comparable to other districts with the intention of retaining the best!

**Oct/Nov 2006: The district offers teachers a 3% salary increase.

**Even WITH the 3% salary increase, Hayward Teachers would still be the 2nd lowest paid teachers out of 8 surrounding districts. Unless you compare the maximum earning potential for teachers, because then a teacher in Hayward would be the LOWEST paid out of those 8 surrounding districts.

**August '06 through April '07: The union tries to negotiate for more, but the district stays at 3%.

**April 5, 2007: 98% of the district's 1,200 Teachers go on strike. In the meantime, the district doubles the pay for substitute teachers from $150/day to $300/day to attract more scabs during the strike.

As of this posting, we have been striking for 7 days. That's 7 days from 7am-3pm walking the lines in the wind, rain, and sun. That's 7 days without pay. That's 7 days of driving to Carl's Jr. to use the bathroom. That's 7 days of waiting. That's 7 days of democracy in action!

Show Me The Money

2007-04-22T17:39:00.000-07:00

In a previous blog I mentioned the ludicrous salary disbursements in education. The administration is supposed to support our teaching. Their salaries should also reflect that support role. Our superintendent gets paid $229,000 per year. That's more than Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi, who is 3 heartbeats away from the presidency! Maybe the Hayward Unified School District Superintendent of Schools gets paid for every vowel in his title. If you had to buy his 18 vowels for $12,722 each, it would just about amount to his salary.

A starting Teacher in Hayward, CA makes about $47K per year. Though that figure is very deceiving because there are no benefits included in that amount. We must "buy back" our benefits. For example, I pay $4,800/year in health and dental with no dependents. Then teachers also pay mandatory union dues of $1,200 per year and a mandatory retirement deduction of 8% of our salary ($3,760 per year for $47K). SO that $47K a year just quickly became $37,240 per year BEFORE TAXES.

Now, after taxes, there are the classroom expenses. Teachers are not required to buy things for their classroom, but if you've ever tried to capture the attention of 32 squirmy 9-year-olds, you quickly discover that you need materials! Every teacher I know spends hundreds to thousands of dollars each year on supplies. I've used my own money to put together a classroom library of books, buy markers and colored pencils for each student, writing and math journals, art supplies, math and language games, etc. I was shocked when I did my taxes last month and discovered I had spent $1,375.00 on my classroom! But I was able to take a $250 deduction as a teacher.

Then there's the extended education courses we must take. I spent another $750.00 on classes last year. (NO, the school doesn't pay for it.)

"Well, you get summers off." Well, let's clarify that too. Our summers are 10 weeks. One of those weeks (minimum) is spent cleaning up your classroom (end of year) and setting up your classroom (beginning of next year). Then there are tons of classes and trainings in the summer. Last summer I spent 3 weeks in trainings and I had to fight off another 2-week course that was being recommended to me. Most teachers I know are doing coursework (required to renew our teaching credential every 5 years), OR are teaching summer school, OR have other jobs to help make ends meet.

Yes, we have more time off, but we are not PAID for our time off. It's NOT paid vacation time. So, even when we do take a vacation, there’s not a surplus of cash funding the excursion(s). Don't get me wrong, I love the schedule, but there are alot of misconceptions out there.

WHINE, WHINE, WHINE!!! Even I hate myself right now. GEEEEEZ. If you're still reading this, you've probably experienced a root canal and decided, this ain't such bad readin'.

Phoning Home

2007-04-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

Tonight I started calling my students' parents to check in and tell them that we are still on strike, but desperately want to return to class. After leaving a few messages, the first actual person I spoke to was very sweet. She said, "I support you and I'm really glad you called."

The next person I reached started out our conversation with, "I don't like what you're doing and I think you should just get back in the classroom." I told him that we are doing what we feel is right, and I respected his difference of opinion. But then came the deal breaker... "You guys make more than I do", he said, resentful and angry.

Ah...how to respond? A thousand thoughts rushed through my exhausted brain. First of all, why are we suddenly comparing salaries? Is it written somewhere that he needs to make more than me? And because he has agreed to settle for less, so should I? Also, I don't go to his job to see if he's worth HIS pay. I don't get to tell him, "Well, you make enough already so just get to it, will ya?" Yet, because I am a public servant, EVERYONE gets to weigh in on my salary.

The final insult was when he said, "I don't want to talk to you anymore," and promptly hung up. How ironic. Not only do I get disrespect from the district, but now from this parent too.

The kids get it. In fact, kids have a very strong sense of justice and I teach them to stand up for their beliefs, even in the face of adversity. His son is a great kid and one of my most eager students. His hand is up during every discussion and he participates at every opportunity. I spend 7 hours a day, 5 days a week with his son and dad doesn't want to talk to me. I can't help but worry that his dad's opinion of me might effect our future interactions when we're back in the classroom. We don't all need to agree, but I damn well deserve respect from the parent of a child who I work to educate.

Yeah, maybe I get paid more than he does, and that probably makes him angry as hell. If you don't think you're getting paid enough then you have 3 choices: 1) Get a new job; 2) Ask for a raise; 3) Organize. I wish I had said, "Sir, you should consider training to be a teacher. We can always use more good ones, and as you already know, the pay is SUPER!" Maybe his son will grow up thinking that teachers are so spectacular that even when they are already making good money, they still fight to get more, like a professional athlete, or a rapper. Maybe that will make his son want to be a teacher!

Here is the thing. I am teaching in a working class community where $47,000 a year is damn good money for some, even if you work harder and longer than you signed on for. But my perspective is different because I happened to have come from the big money world of advertising. You are expected to perform at the top of your game and let rich yuppies chew you out over 30 seconds of airtime during the Superbowl, BUT you are paid handsomely in return. This job also gave me lots of respect...for making commercials. It had plenty of cultural significance, but it's a little shy on the moral significance. So now I find myself in a job that CERTAINLY deserves the respect and is morally significant, yet doesn't get the juice. I ask myself, "Why should an administrator get paid more than me? I'm just as capable, if not more." Call me arrogant, but I know I've got the goods and I am worth a helluva lot more than $47K. $47K is alot if you're NOT making that much or if you never have, but I came from a money drenched industry where I am used to getting paid well to work my butt off. So in comparison, I've taken a vow of poverty. I realize that I made the conscious move to a career that would pay me in other, more meaningful ways, but I want to bring respect and a great salary with me! Is that so wrong?!

Choosing to teach has been one of the best decisions of my life, and I have grown far more than even I was expecting to. My age and experience have allowed me a perspective on the true importance of my job. I am determined that the teaching profession be honored in a manner equal with its value to the community at large. At the VERY LEAST, I expect to be respected.

I had planned to call all the parents, but I didn't make any more calls after that. I just didn't have the stomach for it.

Hitting Us With Their Best Shot

2007-04-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

As Pat Benetar so eloquently said, “Put up your dukes, let’s get down to it. Hit me with your best shot.” Unfortunately, my employer is taking me up on it. We have been on strike for 5 days and I just got word that Day 6 is happening for sure. The sad development is that teachers are becoming the scapegoats during the strike in my district. It's easy to place the blame on the teachers because we are on the strike line and visibly NOT in the classroom. We are also the ones that the parents, kids, and community know. On the other hand, the board members and highly paid district employees might be passing you on the street and you might never know. Their arrogance and stubbornness are disgraceful, yet their invisibility during this time keeps them safely in the shadows.

In the meantime, many teachers (including myself) are becoming physically ill and emotionally exhausted over the fact that our students are STILL out of the classroom. Rumor has it that the district wants us to feel the burn by keeping us out on strike for a while longer. How selfish and vindictive is that??

The board approved administrative raises of 16.84% over the summer BEFORE looking at teacher salaries. The irony is that the administration is supposed to SUPPORT the teachers, not the other way around. We teach the children. The teachers have an enormous responsibility that should be justly compensated.

The teachers union has been trying to bargain with the district since August, while we were IN the classroom. It went nowhere. We want to be TEACHING! But we are professionals that demand to be paid as professionals. We must stand up for better wages and conditions because it has to start somewhere.

We would never have a Cesar Chavez Day off or know the name Dolores Huerta if they had agreed to accept their conditions because that's the way it had always been. Change must begin somewhere. Teaching deserves to be a socially and financially respected profession.

Come On Down!

2007-04-16T18:16:00.000-07:00

“You don’t go into teaching to get rich.” This is what I heard from someone who thinks teachers shouldn’t stand up for themselves when it comes to their salaries. Well, I hope you don’t go into ANY job to get rich. How shallow. Before I became a teacher, I spent a few years pondering my next career move. I wanted it to have meaning. I wanted to like, dare I say love, my job. What a concept, huh? Sure, I didn’t go into teaching to get rich, but I expect to be paid a respectful and reasonable salary.

How does a teacher pay increase help kids? It’s like any other profession. If you pay a decent salary, you’ll be able to hire and retain the best. Teaching is already a labor of love, but it shouldn’t have to be. As some signs said at our recent rally, “I love to teach, but love don’t pay the rent.” When people call me “noble” for being a teacher, I always worry that what they really mean is, “I know you don’t get paid jack, but I think it’s admirable.” I want to be a respected professional whose paycheck reflects that respect. I teach because it is part of my path, but I shouldn’t have to take a vow of poverty for it. I’m not that noble .

Are teachers worth more money? Why not see for yourself?

For decades Bob Barker said “Come On Down!” while hosting The Price is Right. Well, I’m borrowing the saying now that he’s off to greener pastures. Come on Down to my classroom! Volunteer! See for yourself. Let the juggling act begin! Join me and learn why teaching is often called a "labor of love". I’d especially like you to come volunteer so I can have a bathroom break. Sometimes waiting for the recess bell is extremely painful.

Here’s a breakdown if you’re still skeptical:
There are 32 kids in my classroom this year. 32 stories. 32 personalities. 32 learning styles. 32 ideas of what respect means. 32 sets of emotions. 32 sets of needs. Oh yeah... and then there's me. I'm the "go to" person. Need a band-aid? Need to understand why 1/2 x 1/2 = 1/4? Need to tell someone what you did last night? Need to have someone tell you, "It's gonna be ok"? Need to decode a word you've never seen before? Need to be taught some basic social skills? Need an adult to help you sort out the argument you just had with your best friend? All of these individual moments take place while I am also expected to teach meaningful lessons that keep students engaged and interested in their learning. In the meantime, they may also be hungry, thinking about grandma who's in the hospital, tired, overwhelmed, anxious, frustrated…etc.
It is a challenge to say the least.

I am an educated professional that has been hired to teach 32 students. In many cases these kids spend more waking hours with me than their own families. That's a HUGE responsibility. Slap the expectations of the state , federal gov't, and society on top of that and we've got some mounds of responsibility. In high school I worked at Burger King and was paid $3.35 an hour. It was a low risk job and I had very few responsibilities. That makes sense. But when I moved up the ladder and become a "Burger King Crew Trainer", I was pushing $4.00 an hour! I had more responsibilities which meant more $$!!! Sound familiar? Of course, because that's the way it generally works. So when some doofus says, "Well, you didn't go into teaching to get rich", I say, "How much are the futures of 32 kids worth in your book?"

Don’t Hate, Educate

2007-04-12T16:43:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school, a bunch of the “jocks” used to pick on this kid Robert. They would taunt him and spit on him until he got so angry that he would lose all control. He was never violent towards anyone, but he would yell and cuss and flail his arms uncontrollably. Day in and day out they would harass him. I condemned the behavior of these jocks, but I condemned it in silence. I especially remember J and D spitting on him. That was a vile sight, yet I sat and watched. No one stuck up for Robert. No one stood up to these immature, cruel excuses for boys and demanded that they stop. I feel ashamed for having stood by and done nothing. I can excuse it by arguing that I was only 15 or 16 years old and I didn’t have it together or that there was too much peer pressure, or blah, blah, blah, but the truth of the matter is, I was human, I should have had compassion and the spiritual strength to do something… anything.

Robert had something wrong with him – I think he had a brain tumor, which brought on some kind of mental impairment. This makes the bullying even more abhorrent. What kind of bully picks on the most vulnerable of its population? Well, that’s the same question I’ve been asking at work. I am a public elementary school teacher.

The bullies are the state politicians, school administrators, and in some cases, public opinion. The children are supposed to be a priority, but often times they are not. So this vulnerable part of our population has teachers to stand up and fight for them. But we have our own struggle as well. Right now, the district and school board bullies have refused to give the teachers in my district a fair and equitable salary increase. They have given us no choice but to strike and that is SO difficult for teachers. We have to leave our students. We have to disrupt the routines that so many of them desperately count on. Their education is being sacrificed and compromised by the purse strings of a bureaucracy. And the teachers are forced to live with the upside down pyramid (those that are in place to support the teachers are the ones making the most money). We do all the work with these kids everyday, but are being ignored and disrespected. If the teachers are treated this way, how must "they" feel about the students we are fighting for?