All of Us These Days

I have always considered myself technologically savvy. I remember when I starting teaching, I was one of the few teachers at my school that could create my own worksheets for the class and use the internet with ease. But along with my lower back hurting and sometimes turning the music DOWN, I realize I'm getting old as I watch IM-ing, texting, and e-mailing take over the world of communication.

When texting first hit the scene, I thought it was ridiculous to use on a regular basis, because by the time it took me to text a "hello" (two clicks 4, two clicks 3, three clicks 5, three clicks 5 again, three clicks 6, find name in address book, hit send) I could have called, talked to the person, and said a perfectly cordial goodbye. So why wouldn't I call instead? I'd rather hear their voice and get instant feedback anyway. I do see the value of texting when I'm in a "no talk zone" (movie, meeting, library). It is a handy little gadget that lets you shoot off a quick message to someone. But what's with texting and e-mailing replacing phone calls?

About a month ago, I decided that whenever someone texted me, I was going to pick up the phone and call them back. I thought it would be kinda funny, because some people use texting as a way to stay at arms length, and that irritates the crap outta me. I also thought calling back would be an interesting psychological experiment. What will the other person do? Will they sit and watch the phone ring, staring at my caller ID? My feeling is, if you don't want to talk to me, then what's the point of contact in the first place?

The other day I got a text from a friend wanting to "hang out". Ok, so I called back and, of course, she didn't pick up, soooooooo I left a VOICE message responding to the text. Then I didn't hear back for 3 days. Maybe she meant she wanted to hang out in different places and just text back and forth.

Yesterday I called a friend to discuss some tentative plans we had made during a previous person to person voice call. (Yea!) I left her a VOICE mail and a day later she E-MAILED me back. What the heck? That's just wrong! I wasn't even ON the computer. How'd I get an e-mail back? I'm beginning to come to the frightening realization that if we want to stay in touch with people we have to check our e-mail, voice mail, text messages, and instant messages every day. I'm sorry, but that's just too much! It used to be (get ready for this, people under 20), that when you wanted to talk to or see someone you would call them on the phone. If they didn't pick up, it meant they weren't available so you would leave a courteous message. When they were able to retrieve the message, they would CALL you back. I long for those simpler times.

It's not that I don't get it. I remember when e-mailing started up. It was a great way to stay in touch with people far away without sitting down to write a letter and address an envelope. Also, if you don't want to wake someone with a phone call because you're on a different time schedule, e-mailing is sweet. Awesome, right? But the dark side of e-mailing, and we ALL know this, is you can write to someone instead of talking to them to avoid that level of intimacy that voice contact gives us. Now, that has its place, don't get me wrong. For instance, when you owe someone an apology and Hallmark ain't gonna cut it, or when you haven't been in touch with someone for years and you want to approach respectfully and, perhaps, cautiously. But the dark side is the e-mail when we really don't want to talk to someone, or when we are staying in touch out of some messed up sense of obligation, or when we can't stand the intimacy. Which are you?

When the miracle occurs and someone DOES call, and I miss the call, I feel the panic set in of a missed opportunity because 9 times out of 10, I'll get their voice mail when I called back. I could turn this into an extreme paranoia that it's just the people in my life, but I have witnessed it in other arenas AND my self-esteem is reasonably in tact, cuz I'm a helluvalotta fun to "hang" with!

I don't make New Years resolutions, but I will say this... If I'm not willing to see you, I'm not calling you, e-mailing, texting, instant messaging, or whatever the hell comes next. If it's not clear yet, when it comes to communication...I prefer the phone call, or better yet, a face to face encounter (remember those?). It would be easy to blame it on "kids these days" but it really is all of us, these days. Come on people, smile on your brother, everybody GET TOGETHER, instead of texting each other right now.

PS- thanks for calling, Roxxie!

My Time To Pee

Yes, yesterday I peed alot. I had lots of beverages, and I peed when I wanted to. When I felt the slight twinge of a need, I just went ahead and excused myself to the restroom. I peed in the bathroom at an apartment showing, I peed at a restaurant, I peed at an office building, I peed at Safeway, I peed at a club, I peed at a bar, and I peed every time I came back home.

If you're a teacher, you know where I'm headed with this. Because as teachers, we don't have the luxury of peeing because we feel like it, we pee on a schedule. Here's my workday pee schedule:

1) MUST go before the 8:30am bell rings
2) Opportunity at 10:20am*, use if necessary, but keep in mind, the next chance is 12:15pm
3) Anytime in the window between 12:15 and 12:50pm
4) Next small window of 1:50-2:00pm*
5) After school from 3:00pm on is pee freedom

(*Time not valid during weeks of yard duty)

Now let's talk speed. (Accuracy will not be addressed here since it's generally a no-brainer for the ladies.) I can pee hecka-fast. You have to be able to move quickly as a teacher, because recess is jam packed. There are stories students are dying to tell you, chats with the disruptive students, inquiries about homework that is due, last minute copies to make for the next lesson, picking up mail and messages from the office, etc., etc., etc. So if you can't literally pee like a racehorse, you are out of the race. Good luck!

So, I said I CAN pee hecka-fast. But when I'm off the clock, I don't have to push out a forceful stream that would rival a fire hydrant explosion. I can take my sweet time. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT a reader in the bathroom. I do not enjoy a magazine when I'm in to do my business. But, I do enjoy the extra time I can take for the entire ritual. The tucking of the shirt, the belt-buckling, the full-drying of the hands, the checking of teeth for any meal particles, etc. Just last night I had the pleasure of peeing alongside my friend Pitt. She commented on the leisurely amount of time I took in the stall. I explained. I am not on anyone's schedule. There are no stories from 10-year-olds, no copies to make, no messages to retrieve, no "private conferences" about appropriate classroom behavior. NO, there will be none of that today! I am on Winter Break, and... it is MY time to pee.