From the soundtrack of my life: "I’m back!" Back to teaching 4th grade, that is. I’m happy. I had to go through an awful lot in order to come full circle, bringing me back to March, where this whole thing started. It went something like this:
you're fired
no, maybe not
um…yes, you're fired
stay tuned, we may need you back
no, it doesn’t look like you’ll be back
ok, come back and choose a job, but your old job doesn’t exist
no, you can't have that job
oh, okay, you can have that job
hey, how about having your old job back?
ok, you can have it
But, hey now, I’ve got a job which is more than some people can claim nowadays. So I AM thankful. I actually wish I could just call everyone I know to tell then that I got my job back. But herein lies the problem. No one picks up a damn phone anymore. I can’t get anyone on the phone, not even my spouse. I have reluctantly agreed to text more often, but am I the only one that finds it exhausting? I have a keyboard on my phone for this very purpose, but when I’m trying to make plans with someone and we have to go back and forth five or six times, I can’t help but think, “This would be a 30 second phone conversation.”
Is it about being cool? I’m all for being cool. I was born cool. But texting is so Europe 2005. I mean EVERYBODY texts now, so it’s no longer a novelty. When a 10-year-old is doing it, it’s no longer cool. Driving a tricked out car can still be cool, precisely because a 10 year old can’t do it. My pal Jenny had a student that was texting in class all year long! This girl was assigned hundreds of sentences to write, recesses were taken away, but she still continued. When her phone was confiscated by the principal, her mom got her a new one, so it was back to texting. I had this girl the previous year, before the text explosion, and she used to daydream the days away. She was probably thinking about what she would text if she could. But I’ll tell you one thing, she still does not have a car.
I’ve come to the frightening realization that if I want my friends to know the good news about my job I have to: 1) post it on Facebook; 2) blog about it here; 3) ask someone to Twitter it for me (I’m not there yet); and 4) do a mass e-mail as a back-up; …but don’t call anyone for heavens sake!
So now that I have my teaching job back, I was thinking about more innovative ways to fire/hire teachers, and suddenly I got an idea. How about a game show for teachers? Winners stay, losers go. Since it's my idea, I think I would want to have a show like "Name That Tune" or a Karaoke competition. If you don't know the lyrics then a clown comes out and smashes a pie in your face.
(The clown would be a different celebrity guest star each week. See pic for guest #1!) Then Governor Arnold would come on the giant screen via satellite and say, "You are the weakest link. You are OUT!" Then he'd blow you a kiss and say, "auf Wiedersehen", like Heidi Klum on Project Runway.With this scenario there would at least be some bit of talent needed to stay in the profession. I know you're thinking, "Hey Sal, why not a quiz show since teachers are supposed to know stuff?" Simple: that's too easy of a solution. I'm trying to stay in the spirit of the public school system by keeping things aloof and illogical. Geeeez. Stay with me. (Is this the first blog of mine that you've read?) The music would be sounds of the 70’s and 80’s, with a little 90’s tossed in for bonus points.
The premiere show would start with me singing Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle”.
...I'm back! I'm back in the saddle again...
