Yes, yesterday I peed alot. I had lots of beverages, and I peed when I wanted to. When I felt the slight twinge of a need, I just went ahead and excused myself to the restroom. I peed in the bathroom at an apartment showing, I peed at a restaurant, I peed at an office building, I peed at Safeway, I peed at a club, I peed at a bar, and I peed every time I came back home.
If you're a teacher, you know where I'm headed with this. Because as teachers, we don't have the luxury of peeing because we feel like it, we pee on a schedule. Here's my workday pee schedule:
1) MUST go before the 8:30am bell rings
2) Opportunity at 10:20am*, use if necessary, but keep in mind, the next chance is 12:15pm
3) Anytime in the window between 12:15 and 12:50pm
4) Next small window of 1:50-2:00pm*
5) After school from 3:00pm on is pee freedom
(*Time not valid during weeks of yard duty)
Now let's talk speed. (Accuracy will not be addressed here since it's generally a no-brainer for the ladies.) I can pee hecka-fast. You have to be able to move quickly as a teacher, because recess is jam packed. There are stories students are dying to tell you, chats with the disruptive students, inquiries about homework that is due, last minute copies to make for the next lesson, picking up mail and messages from the office, etc., etc., etc. So if you can't literally pee like a racehorse, you are out of the race. Good luck!
So, I said I CAN pee hecka-fast. But when I'm off the clock, I don't have to push out a forceful stream that would rival a fire hydrant explosion.
I can take my sweet time. Don't get me wrong. I am NOT a reader in the bathroom. I do not enjoy a magazine when I'm in to do my business. But, I do enjoy the extra time I can take for the entire ritual. The tucking of the shirt, the belt-buckling, the full-drying of the hands, the checking of teeth for any meal particles, etc. Just last night I had the pleasure of peeing alongside my friend Pitt. She commented on the leisurely amount of time I took in the stall. I explained. I am not on anyone's schedule. There are no stories from 10-year-olds, no copies to make, no messages to retrieve, no "private conferences" about appropriate classroom behavior. NO, there will be none of that today! I am on Winter Break, and... it is MY time to pee.
3 comments:
You make me laugh!! I can totally relate...
I feel you, I just realized UTI's are really deadly :-P
Hopefully my other friend realized it too :)
I will soon have an essay published in the MCTE Journal called No Time to Pee. Wish I read this first-- Your words are dead-on accurate and good to see you have a sense of humor intact. I have heard all kinds of pee-related stories. Not drinking anything at all during teaching hours is a common one. Seems to be a ubiquitous pitfall, one that you think in this day and age of radical innovations, we could fix.
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