Reasons Not to Teach First Grade

I never really needed convincing to NOT teach Kindergarten or First Grade. Just thinking about training them to wipe their own noses has always been enough for me to quickly choose an intermediate grade level.

The other night I had the pleasure of spending some time with previous colleagues that now teach K and 1st. After our conversation I can concisely lay out for you the Three Most Important Reasons to NOT Teach Kinder or 1st Grade:

3. Urine
2. Feces
1. Vomit

I know it sounds extreme to mention these unmentionables, but it must be done. For these three reasons ALONE, teachers should be paid better. Many teachers have swapped stories about kids having "accidents" where they pee their pants. But then...Jess told the story about when she was teaching 1st grade in Guatemala and one day a student said he felt sick. She encouraged him to wait until snack time to see if he would feel better, but he didn't. At snack time, she reminded him to eat his apple. Shortly after the apple, as she was starting a lesson, the same boy complained again about his stomach. By now she was starting to feel convinced that he might really be sick.

Just as she started to say, "Maybe you should go to the office and...", he had a projectile vomit - all over her. Of course she had no change of clothes at school, and of course, she rode the bus to her school everyday because she didn't have her own transport. It was a long day that day.

My pal Antonio told the story of the little boy that disrupted the whole class to alert everyone of his need to use the restroom. Luckily many of the Kinder classrooms have a bathroom adjacent to the room, so off went the little guy to do his business, until suddenly the dreaded, "I need help wiping" voice calls from beyond the door.

"You've got to be kidding!" (Antonio managed to keep this in his thought bubble.)

Painfully and reluctantly, out come the rubber gloves with a snap, snap, over each wrist. The rest? Well, I'll leave that to your imagination.

I think the boy's family got a call or note asking (pleading, begging) that they COMPLETELY potty train their son immediately.

Again, teachers are not paid enough for this kinda crap*. If you aren't going to pay these K/1 teachers more, then at least provide them with a hazardous waste suit/uniform. It would certainly make the job more appealing to me.

(*pun intended)