Closing the Door, You Leave the World Behind

I've been hiding. Whaaaaat?

Yes, I was hiding all last year. If I had been blogging, I would have been complaining about the hardships of life and school, and I just couldn't do that to you all. So here I find myself wondering, "Where are we?"

Texting and Facebook are out of control, kids watch way too many R-rated films, One Direction is worshiped by 10-year-old-girls, and Michael Jackson died  3 1/2 years ago.

Okay, I think we're caught up.

Today in class, we were going over a page in the students' homework about similes. The similes were started for them, and they had to finish it. For example:

As tall as a ______________
As smart as _____________
As cold as ______________

When I called on a student that said, "As cold as ice," I couldn't help myself. I felt it swelling inside of me. I couldn't stop the surge. I broke into song: "You're as cold as ice, you're willing to sacrifice....[trails off]."

The students looked at my crazy eyes with confusion, and maybe some fear that I had completely lost it. I told them, "It's a song! Have any of you heard it?" I knew damn well that there were no Foreigner fans in the audience. Not one student had heard the song, so...yes, I did it. I plugged my iPhone into the speaker and played them the first minute or so of the song.

I am an educator. My job is to educate and I feel it is necessary for future generations to know that Foreigner DID actually write some songs that weren't just about getting drunk.

I hope everyone out there is navigating their way through these times that move at light speed and lack Foreigner fans.

Peace out.

Oh, It's THAT Bad

When I drove home from my first day of school this year (back from summer vacation), I was cruising along the 580 freeway with the windows down and the stereo blasting. Suddenly a song came on the radio and I really started singing along. My spirit felt uplifted. Then it hit me. Oh, crap! This is that stupid Pina Colada song. What the heck am I doing? I make fun of this song. I have ALWAYS made fun of this song! Now I'm singing along to it, bobbing my head and feeling happy? I have seriously lost it.

First I wanted to blame the students in my class. Thought bubble says, "Well, it WAS the first day back and the kids were tired, I was tired, and it was really hot today too. So the fact that I sang along to the Pina Colada song could have just been pure delirium."

But no matter how many excuses I tried to create for why I would sing the Pina Colada song, it really just didn't quite explain it. I think I have to chalk it up to age. The painful truth.

When I first started teaching I felt like I had my finger firmly on the pulse of pop culture. I prided myself in knowing the latest musical artists, TV shows, even some video games. But I have fallen WAY behind in the last few years. I have no clue what's going on any more with today's youth. I still buy CD's, I still have my paper address book, I prefer a phone call over a text, I know how to (really) type, and I don't have WII, XBox, PlayStation, or Nintendo DS. I think the new "Call of Duty" video game should never be sold to children. I'm old.

Now I find myself listening to an "Oldies" radio station sometimes. "Oldies" are now the songs I listened to in Jr. High and High School. I'm one of those adults that listens to the songs of my youth, replaying memories associated with different songs.
For my parents' generation it was the Four Tops and the Spinners. For me it's the Police, Journey, Fleetwood Mac, and the likes that are now Oldies.

Last weekend I was hanging out with a 20-something year old and she was talking about all the great Hip-Hop music when she was a little kid. Well, she's talking about my favorite era of Hip-Hop (though true music aficionados would never call it "Hip-Hop"). While she was a little kid, I was changing careers, after already burning out on career #1, and listening to the ancient sounds of TLC, R. Kelly (before we knew his preferences), Tevin Campbell, Boyz II Men, Bell Biv Devoe, etc. It made me feel ooooooold. That music is Old School now. In my mind it was just a few years ago. Again, a sign of age.

Once you pass a certain age, old is just old. 10 years might as well be 100. Whenever I play a song for my students at school, I like to quiz them to see if anyone knows the artist. The other day, a student was playing with a rubber band in class, so as I took it away from him I said, "We're gonna call you the Rubberband Man! Does anyone know that song?"

Blank stares.

I break into song with, "The Rubberband, Rubberband Man. Do-do do do do do-do do-do."

Blank stares.

"I'll bring it in tomorrow."

And so I did. When I played it, I asked if anyone knew the group that sings it. Well, as I said, old is old. The first guess is almost always Elvis Presley, then The Beatles. A little before my musical prime, but at least they know that music existed before Justin Beiber.

Finally I explain that it's the Spinners.

They asked to hear it again, so I played it again. My memories of listening to it as a child rushed back to me and remembering my next door neighbor that did a baton routine to it. It's a very catchy tune. The students started singing and dancing along, so much so that we got a call from the teacher next door wondering what all the ruckus was about. It was a great time...and I think I've redeemed myself for singing that darn Pina Colada song. But here it is for all of you dorks!

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

I'm moving to a classroom that actually has windows and lets in natural light. Imagine that! So, it's a lot of work to pack everything up and move it - even though it's only next door. Schlepping all of my stuff falls under the "I asked for this" category, so I can't complain. The benefits will far outweigh the pain I'm going through now.

I've been really surprised that so many of my colleagues are also at school setting up their classrooms this week. I always end up going in a few days early to get everything done, but a full week? Really? Really.

Being at school a full week before it officially starts seems WRONG. Wrong because no teacher is getting paid for this time. But, we go in early because it's necessary. Really. When I'm not moving rooms, I could probably get by with two extra days of work, but I know that the ONE paid day I get to prepare for students is not enough time. Here's some of what I've done the last two days:

- moved 3 file cabinets and 2 tables
- unbolted a cabinet from the wall and moved it to another wall (thanks J-Mac!)
- scraped crud off the floor with a putty knife
- repaired a table (hammer and nail style)
- beautified numerous walls with colored paper (thank u wallpapering goddess!)
- moved 34 student desks into place
- replaced a few desks that were tagged with the "F word" and "B word"
- ran a 30 foot Ethernet cable to the computer (yes, ETHERNET = public school)

I could go on, but I won't. That there is some serious physical (and time consuming) labor. I'm tired...and there's still more to do. Lots to do in fact. Lots that will have nothing to do with moving rooms. Lesson planning, gathering new materials for the year, and making copies!
Making Copies 3

I have an idea. Why not call a teacher's schedule what it really is? YES, we DO get more vacation time than the average hard-working American, but it's not the three months off that's always being quoted. Our "time off" actually offers many work opportunities! We have trainings to attend, classrooms to clean-up at the end of the year and set-up at the beginning of the year. We grade papers on nights and weekends, and do Report Cards for each student, 3 times a year. (3 x 32 students = 96 reports cards a year; each of these 96 cards have 40 boxes to mark and comments to write.) Really. I'm not complaining. I'm just sayin', let's call it what it is. I'm making the conservative estimate that I spend an additional 15 days of my "time off" doing schoolwork. (I'm leaving teacher trainings out because if it's on your time..."they can try to MAKE you go to trainings and you say NO, NO, NO!" - A.W., RIP)


So let's just put those 15 days on the teacher calendar as acknowledged work days. I'd feel better about that. It seems more respectful of my time. My pay's the same, my job's the same, we'd just be speaking the truth. I like that.

BTS

The new school year is about to begin. Children fill the aisles of office supply stores, picking up binders, pencils, erasers, and the likes. Teachers shop for the sales to outfit a class of 32+ with markers, crayons, pencil sharpeners, pencil boxes, etc. The state standardized test scores for the last academic year are being published this week. Schools, teachers, and principals will be judged on this data. Some principals and districts will be chastised by the state if the student test scores didn't grow the required amount. Some teachers will grin for the students that performed at the "level of proficiency" and will shake their heads for the kids that they KNOW are wonderfully intelligent human beings, even though the test labels them as "Far Below Basic". My mind suddenly drifts back to a student in my class as we took this big test in May. Smart kid, great kid, funny kid, sensitive and sometimes sad kid.

It was testing time and the classroom was quiet. All the little 11-year-olds were reading and bubbling answers. At one point I was circulating the room and noticed that most of the students were about 1/2 way through the Reading test (ELA in teacher lingo). As I walked past one student's desk I noticed that he had put the test aside and appeared to be done. I stood by his desk for a minute, thinking about the facts as I understood them: 1) No one in the class was more than 1/2 way done; 2) He was not the best or fastest reader in the class; 3) He was "unofficially diagnosed" with a severe case of ADHD.

Now, this is the type of situation where I feel the most challenged. How can I investigate this and get the best possible result? "Hey, John, are you finished?" I whispered as I crouched down next to his desk.

"Yes."

"Hmmm." I replied, with a puzzled look on my face that I purposely exaggerated to make a point. "Did you read every story and question?"

"Uh huh." He nodded, as he averted his eyes from mine. (The TELL!)

"Okay. Let's see." I flipped through his booklet and found a stand alone question that did not require reading a passage. "What did you choose for this one?" I asked as I grabbed his answer document for verification.

He looked at the question and then said, "Um, well, I think I skipped that one."

I felt my pulse quicken, so I knew I needed to say this softly: "Did you skip any others? Because no one else in the class is done."

His eyes turned sad and he nodded. I called him to the back of the classroom and asked him to honestly tell me if he had done his best work. He admitted that perhaps "skipping" half the test and just randomly bubbling answers might not be the best strategy. He agreed to go back and give it a second look.

This is the only student I discovered that did this, but I know he's not the only one.

My students were prepared. I taught them about personification, dividing fractions, good sentence structure, verb tenses, and the Order of Operations. But one day, while I was teaching (prior to the testing), I noticed a few things about the "learning environment" of my classroom. One boy was very focused on drawing a giant block letter "T" on his paper (the first letter of his name). One girl, who had recently been absent for 5 days in a row and then another 3, was absent again. (Attempts to call home for her resulted in NO working telephone numbers.) My future "random bubbling boy" was under his desk frantically tapping a pencil on the floor. The girl next to him looked at me and shrugged her shoulders. She wasn't sure what he was doing either. I'd like to think that all of these students were still absorbing the fascinating lesson. But I don't think that. Instead I think about the No Child Left Behind Act (NCLB) that has everyone scrambling to meet an unrealistic goal - ALL students must be proficient in Reading and Math by 2014. If they don't gain ground in their test scores, the school could lose money, more testing mandates will come down on the school, and teachers and principals can lose their jobs.

There has been lots of talk about whether or not NCLB works. I, for one, say it doesn't. One test can't be the way to measure whether or not a student is growing. For any of us that have ever bombed a test because we were nervous, tired, depressed or just plain "off" that day, we know that putting all our eggs in one basket regarding intelligence and ability is ludicrous. Most recently, Education Secretary Arne Duncan has been looking into the idea of schools getting wavers to the rigid guidelines of NCLB. The question now becomes, "how do we still hold schools, teachers and districts accountable?" Duncan said that one of the provisions to the waiver is a requirement that all schools demonstrate "adequate yearly progress," or AYP, on reading and math tests by 2014 or face possible closure. He wants to focus more on recognizing programs that measure and boost achievement of individual students over time and less on the law's current priority of comparing test scores from one grade to another, year to year.

Sounds reasonable, but there is SO much red tape wrapped around the politics of our school system that I foresee just another type of test. I see the value of testing certain skills, but what we still seem to be lacking is a way to "measure" the important progress in human development. Students are being socialized in the schools too. I spend an enormous amount of time modeling and teaching these kids to be productive members of our society - how to solve problems non-violently, how to use their natural talents and strengths to take on life's challenges, how to express themselves, and how to find the support they need in order to thrive (or simply survive). These goals are not written in any State Standards, nor are they measured on any tests.

In the weeks approaching the standardized test, I "fixed" a pair of eyeglasses (if scotch tape counts as a fix), bandaged knees, fingers, and elbows. I tasted a homemade cupcake from the fingertips of a child. I saw tears flow because someone missed mom, and I heard stories of sick and dying family members. I also had many discussions with angry children about respect for one another.

These interactions are preparing them for a test too - the test of their lives, and the test of their character. Because if they don't learn about respect, love, and compassion, it won't matter that they scored "proficient" on a standardized test.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Yes, it is that time again. Saying goodbye to the students for winter break and graciously accepting gifts from a few students and families. My first year of teaching I remember the feeling - that excitement of what could be hiding under the seasonal wrapping. After discovering a well-used stuffed animal and a mugful of hard candies, I remembered that I didn't get into teaching for the perks. It truly is the thought that counts.

A friend of mine teaches in a very affluent school district and told me about the $100 Macy's gift card she received. This was the same year that I received the mug (pictured) full of hard candy. A few problems with the mug:

1) It had lace super-glued around the edge and I could not get it off. Therefore, no using this for drinking.

2) The script reads: "Con todo mi Am of". Obviously the word "amor" got lost in translation and became "Am of". So what
should have been "With all my love" became "With all my..." uh, no direct translation.

3) The picture was just bizarre. It looked like mutant blockhead Pooh Bear twins. Even if I HAD been able to pry
the lace off, I couldn't drink out of it based on its freakish nature.

One of my colleagues shared that the most interesting present she received one year was a used tube of lipstick. Again, it's nice to be in someone's thoughts, but sometimes the thought will suffice.

It'd be nice to always get $100 gift cards, but it's certainly not what I signed on for. This year I got a beautiful knitted scarf (by my student's grandmother - insert "ahhhh" here) that has kept me warm already. I may not get a holiday bonus in my check, but I am appreciated by many of the families at my school.

I've always thought that the perks for teachers should come from big corporations. After all, the fruits of our labor will some day feed their workforce. Every once in awhile I am shocked to find an educator discount somewhere. It's kind of like having a AAA card, but with fewer discounts. Apple has a 10% educator discount, but I have to say, 10% is really nothing. It amounts to about the sales tax. I'm not (totally) complaining...I'll take it, but it's a gesture, kinda like the "it's the thought that counts" sentiment. I would hope for more from a big corporation. I WILL, however, give props to Verizon. The best kept secret is that they offered me a 15% educator discount off my wireless bill when I switched to them in November. AT&T never did that! So here's a plug for Verizon, my educator friends.

Ironically, the people that DO get lots of perks are the folks that don't need it. They are the people with money. I knew a girl that resembled Alicia Keys and she would get meals comped at restaurants because people thought she was the Grammy Award winning singer. Movie stars, athletes, and socialites get lots of free stuff when they could actually afford to pay for it all. When I was flying this holiday, I thought, "Wouldn't it be sweet to have an 'educator upgrade' to first class?" But instead I was herded into economy like all the other schmoes. I think the first class passengers must watch a special "preparation" video that tells them NOT to make eye contact with the coach/economy passengers, because as we all parade by their luxurious seats to cram into coach, they avert their eyes. On my flight last week, I thought I recognized a guy - a director - from my old industry. It really looked like him except that it's been at least 15 years and he hadn't aged a bit. I tried to catch his eyes to see if he might recognize me, but he had clearly watched the video.

Not only am I NOT comped a first class seat, but I'm probably making bad karma for 'accidentally' tossing that mug into a landfill somewhere. But I'm working that off every day that I step inside the classroom and say, "Good Morning, ladies and gentlemen."

And, after seven years, I still get a chuckle from the chorus of 32 earnest kids responding in unison: "Good Morning, Ms. Carter."

Now that's what I call a perk.

From the Mouths of Babes

Here are some excerpts from the recent stories of 5th graders:

"The big dinosaur was a fossil, but it didn't die. It lost its soul."

"The only way he can hypnotize humans is he spits goop on human heads."

"You can get this for 6 payments of $10.99, that's right, 6 payments of $10.99."

"So they took as many pictures as they could. Then they went home satisfied."

"My favorite food is my mom's enchiladas. My favorite shape is a pyramid."

"Everyone asked for mercy but he never listened. The mountain king was the biggest and baddest mountain in the world!"

"All of a sudden Wall-E characters came alive, and then mass chaos happened."

"My favorite food is pizza, but that doesn't start with a K."

"So then they sold it to a person for $6,000 and the judges gave the money to me. And so I lived happily ever after with lots of money!"

And finally, this was written at the end of a student's story:
"I am sorry I ended there, but it would be very disturbing for your human mind!"

Indeed.

Thanks, kids. You are the reason we keep treading water in a sea of sharks.

You're Not So Funny Anymore

“Nations like Finland and Japan seek out the best college graduates for teaching positions, prepare them well, pay them well and treat them with respect. They make sure that all their students study the arts, history, literature, geography, civics, foreign languages, the sciences and other subjects. They do this because this is the way to ensure good education. We’re on the wrong track.”

This quote comes from Diane Ravitch, an education historian who once advocated for the importance of standardizing testing and sat by G.W. Bush's side during the implementation of No Child Left Behind. Now she's had a change of heart. Her U-turn has some people upset, but I applaud her for seeing the error of her ways.

A former colleague sent me the article awhile ago from the NY Times if you want to check it out. (Thanks, Bernie!)

The current wave of education and moves toward privatization have me depressed. As a result, I've hit a wall lately with this blog. You might call it writer's block or you might say that I'm losing my sense of humor for education. After one of my last posts a friend said, "Hey, I thought your blog was supposed to be funny. It was a little grim."

Exactly.

It's all a little grim. As I watch our district/state/federal government push for higher test scores and lay more and more of the load and guilt trip on the teachers, as I listen to opinions about "bad schools" and "bad teachers", I can't help but lose my sense of humor about it.

The best thing about teaching is the kids...hands down. But the extra workload and lack of resources that teachers are expected to accept (because of budget cuts) has taken the wind out of my sails. I'm dancing as fast as I can, but even Gregory Hines wouldn't be able to tap his way through this mess. I keep picturing myself jumping around a room while someone from the federal government points a pistol at my feet and keeps firing, sadistically enjoying the dance I must do to stay alive:
BULLET #1: We're increasing your class size, but you still have to raise the test scores of all those children; BULLET #2: The standardized test is the end all, be all, so forget about that pansy art, music, science and history crap; BULLET #3: There's no time for "character education" in the classroom, but find a way to make these kids good citizens anyway. Perhaps you could work it into a lesson on dividing fractions. BULLET #4: How about we pay teachers more when the students test scores improve? Don't give us this crap about absences at school, lack of parental support, ADHD, homelessness, poor nutrition and all that other stuff. As Tim Gunn would say, "Make it work". BULLET #5: Yes, yes, we know...every student learns differently. That's why it's YOUR job to teach each of those 32 children in a personal and meaningful way. Um, no, sorry we don't have any support for their special needs or for the emotionally disturbed. Doggone it, just find a way.

Now in my imaginary gun, there are only 6 bullets, so there's one left. I'm just trying to decide if I should wait for them to shoot me in the heart or if I should take my own (teaching) life and get the hell out of dodge before it's too late.

I'm finding myself rapidly approaching that question that I knew I would eventually come to with this career: Can I continue to do this "for the kids"? Or have the politics and demands gotten too insane to continue for my own self preservation?

I've been reading lots of articles lately about the private donors for education, like Bill and Melinda Gates (Microsoft), and the Waltons (WalMart), and how their personal agendas drive educational policy for the schools to which they donate. These people are not educators, nor do they have any credentials around education. They should not be making policy decisions. But when the money starts to flow, people in education begin to salivate and their judgment gets clouded. Some of these donors (including the aforementioned) are big proponents of merit pay for teachers.

Here's the HUGE problem with paying a teacher based on student test scores: No one...and I mean NO ONE will want to teach in schools where the students aren't as focused as possible. No one will want to teach the kids that come to school hungry or dirty or lacking sleep, or the ones worried about their cousin that was just shot or the ones that are writing letters to their fathers in jail. These students are rightfully preoccupied with survival! And these students usually don't score as well on a standardized test. Go figure. Then there's the issue of a culturally biased test that gives them nothing in return. Instead, they are focused on wondering when dad is coming home, or what their next meal will be. They might be simply hoping that someone will hug them and take care of them when they get home.


I pulled those examples from my personal experience with students. But if I can't pay my rent because these students aren't "Proficient" in Reading and Math on the state test, then I've got to think about teaching somewhere else or maybe not teaching at all.

I have always wanted to work with the low income students and families to give them support and to help give them a voice. But guess what? No one with the power to make changes in education (or fund the programs) wants to support them. No one wants to hear them. If I had a dime for every selfish knucklehead that said, "Why should MY money/tax dollars pay for the education of somebody else's kid? I've worked hard for what I have." (Which translates to: I don't want to support poor and/or immigrant kids.)

So instead, districts give great lip service to helping the needy, but it's never done quite right.

It's all pretty exhausting, really. I'm especially exhausted by the letters I receive at the end of the school year stating "...your services are no longer required" because of budget cuts.

You know what? My services ARE required.

But worst of all, this blog entry is not very funny, because none of this is funny.

I'm a Bargain

I got hired back to my teaching position today. It wasn't easy. My colleague, Mel, and I went in with guns blazing. Our jobs were on the list of jobs to choose from after being laid off. We were #20 and #21 to pick (by order of seniority). That meant 19 other laid off teachers were gonna get a stab at our jobs before us. So, we wore our school t-shirts and made signs, asking people not to take our jobs - tugging at the heart strings.

In the dim, dingy confines of the district office, we stood for all passers by to see. It was our only chance...and it worked. Well, not without complications. One teacher was set on taking one of our positions. She had a crazy cockamamie story about why she believed our school was her best option. Tongue firmly in cheek we offered to bake her cookies. Nope, she's diabetic. "How 'bout a shoulder rub?" I think that creeped her out. "Spa day?" Her eyes lit up. Oh, she liked the idea of a spa day and the stone around her heart began to erode at the thought of a hot sauna and cucumber mask.

When it was her turn to pick, she didn't take our jobs, but she did make sure to tell us, "you owe me one". On the back of Mel's Recall Notice she listed two e-mail addresses so we could be sure to find her. What sucks is that (as in the four agreements) I want to be impeccable with my word, as much as it may cost me here. One friend suggested that we send her a tub of dirt with instructions on how to make warm mud in the microwave. Then she could slip into her own claustrophobic mud bath coma.

It feels odd to say that I got lucky today because the job I got really FEELS like my job. I mean, I didn't even pack up my classroom! I'm going back to the same school and the same room. It doesn't feel so lucky to have your job ripped out from under you, only to have to beg for it back and then be expected to feel grateful. But nonetheless, today was a little bit about luck, a little bit of ingenuity, and a little bit of fate all mixed together.

When my good buddy Karol heard I got re-hired she said, "the taxpayer is getting a value". And she's right. You see, I have a pretty healthy sense of my market value. I'm not arrogant about it, I just know that I've got some mad skillz. This school district is damn lucky that I didn't snatch up another job in the time they were draggin' their feet about re-hiring teachers to fill the empty teaching positions. School let out June 12. Hellooooo!?! Whatcha been doing?

Some people said, "Well, ya know, lots of people were on vacation at the district office."

I say, "How nice for them!" It must be swell to pack up the wife and 2.4 kids for a visit to the Grand Canyon. Meanwhile I'm sweatin' out how I'm gonna pay the rent.

After today, there are still many teachers (and other professionals) that are out of work. It's a very tough time for so many. If you know someone that is unemployed right now, take 'em out for a drink, or lunch, or dinner. It feels nice.

Yes, today I got a job. No confetti fell from the sky, no champagne corks popped, but one little district got a helluva deal.

Loser

I was very productive today. Having just returned from a nice long trip to NYC, I came back ready to tackle my world. I took myself out to breakfast then returned home and did laundry, caught up on bills, pulled weeds in the garden, organized two desk drawers and made a few phone calls. All of these things were strategically chosen in order to procrastinate...duh, duh, duh (ominous music swells)...filing for unemployment benefits. Yes, folks, if you are a reader of this blog, you might know that I was laid off last year too, only to be called back a short time later. Well, this year is a bit different because the dark clouds are a bit darker. It's hard to tell when/if I will be called back and whether or not my job will still be available to me.

Prior to leaving for our glorious trip to NYC, I wanted to be proactive about this job thing. So I updated my resume and sent one out after also writing the dreaded cover letter - "Hi, you don't know me from Adam, however, I'm chipper, but not annoyingly so. I love to work! I don't mind working overtime or weekends and I am passionate about your cause. Hire me! I'm not desperate. Really. I have hoards of other offers and people knocking on my door constantly. I just decided to ignore all of the clamor and apply for your position out of the blue!"

Well, it may not have read exactly like that, but it sure seems like it. I feel like a loser. I can't get that Beck song out of my head. "I'm a loser baby, so why don't ya kill me." Don't worry folks, I'm not suicidal, but it sure makes drinking after the stroke of 12 noon awfully appealing.

As I sat down to fill out the unemployment application, I reassured myself with the facts as I will state to you here: 1) I have never been on unemployment before; 2) I have been paying INTO this system my entire working life; 3) I don't watch Maury or Tyra in the middle of the afternoon; 4) I am smart and powerful and good enough; 5) Doggone it, I like myself, I really do!

The online application is surprisingly simple to fill out, though they make it clear that if you write something untrue, it's all over. Fine with me. I have nothing to hide, but there are a few trick questions. One question asked if I "am employed" as a state worker such as teacher, etc. Well, let's see...if I was employed I wouldn't be filling this out! Do they mean was I just recently employed in that way? Another question asked for the last 18 months of my employment history. Sounds simple enough, except that when I filled in the dates for my last job of almost 6 years, it then asked for my earnings for that time period. Am I meant to go back and calculate how much I made for the last 6 years? Perhaps I should review all my tax returns. That sounds like a fun afternoon. More reason to drink, at least. I thought about just making up a number, but then I remembered that official sounding statement at the beginning of the application that warns if anything I write is false...ah, crap. I fumbled through what I think they wanted, but I'm not making any sudden moves around law enforcement officers this week.

My favorite question is when they ask for your weekly income. They even give you a "helpful hint" for calculating it: hourly wage x number of hours worked per week. Thanks, Einstein! I haven't received an hourly wage in a loooong time. But if I really figured out what I was making on an hourly basis, I probably would have quit my job long before they had a chance to lay me off. Let's see - teacher salary divided by 50+ hours a week. Ouch!

I felt accomplished afterwards - having navigated through a government application all by myself. But still, I couldn't help feeling that my ego was taking a big hit. I read in the paper the other day that most businesses are NOT hiring people that are unemployed. They would rather hire or recruit someone that already has a job, because if you don't have a job you're a loser. (Well it didn't exactly say the "loser" part, but one can surmise.) This is the thing that no one wants to admit. When a person says that they are unemployed, we wonder what's wrong with them. Were they incompetent in their last job? Were they busted surfing porn online? Do they pick their nose in public? Perhaps they have terrible halitosis or, even worse, irritable bowel disorder. Or, are they just a complete and utter imbecile?

I really began to think about this concept of companies only hiring people that HAVE jobs. That basically means that there are always jobs open, we just can't get to them if we're unemployed. Maybe I need to find a company that will hire me, so I can get a job somewhere. Or better yet, I can be self-employed in order to find employment. Brilliant! I'll need a good company name, though. Something that hints at it but doesn't give it away.

Well, I am unemployed. I was laid off, and not because I'm an idiot or lame or socially inept.

What's wrong with me? 6 years ago I decided to teach elementary school in a country that doesn't value education. Maybe THAT was stupid.

Barbie is for Boys

A very quiet boy in my class has discovered my love of music and so he likes to ask me if I know certain songs that he is uncovering on "Rock Band". Last week he asked if I knew "Come Together" by the Beatles, to which I immediately replied with a showcase of my vocals on the chorus. A few days later, he raised his hand and asked, "Do you know the song "Fire" by Jimi Hendrix?"

"Let me stand next to your fire...let me stand next to your fire...", I bellowed.

Suddenly the joy of song hit the classroom and a spirited young 9-year-old boy bounced out of his seat, flapping his arms and singing, "I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world...". Now, if you haven't ever heard that song, I suggest you check it out here. (The resolution is not so good, but the tune will put it all into perspective.) It is fabulously bizzare!

When this boy busted out with it in the middle of class I just couldn't keep a straight face. This of course, gave the whole class permission to join in and laugh. I love that this boy had the confidence to do this. Right on the heels of his performance, the magnetically cool boy in class jokingly said, "I have the Barbie house".

I asked, "Do you have the Barbie dream machine?"

"Oh yes," he replied with a smirk.

It's incredibly refreshing to feel the gender fluidity of children. Barbie has always been associated with girls, but here were the two most popular boys in the classroom, ready to be playful about Barbie.

I always hated Barbie. I'm pretty sure that I hated her as a rebellious act, simply because, as a female, I was expected to like her. I only had one doll that I loved when I was mini-me, and her name was Vanessa. Well, that's what I named her (which is a story for another time), but her stock name was "Baby Drowsy". This baby had one of those strings on a ring that you pull to make her speak. I still remember some of her lines: "Mommy, I'm sleepy"; "I want another drink of water"; "I go to sleep now, night-night"; and the 'pièce de résistance' was her raspy, high-pitched voice just wailing for 3 seconds. I have no idea why I liked this doll. I'm not a fan of whining, of which she did plenty, and I'm no fan of the pink onesie. Perhaps it was the force with which I had to pull that damn string to make her talk that gave me some sort of satisfaction.

Ahhh, how much longer will the kids in my class be willing to play freely and enjoy the enormous spectrum of humor and gender that they experimented with that day? I hope they can hold on to that feeling and take over the world. But if they can't do it...

Move over rover, and let Jimi take over!

That's Some Pig

For Christmas I made a dish from a recipe I've been carting around for 20 years. It's a "bean" casserole that my step-mom used to make. Not only does it have three different kinds of beans, but it has brown sugar, ketchup, mustard, pork 'n' beans, ground beef, and bacon! Mmmm! I can't explain why I bought the highest quality ground beef and bacon to toss into this strange medley, but it paid off when my "foodie" friends were going back for seconds. I attribute partial success to the level of commitment I had in regards to frying the bacon. I turned to the old Better Homes and Gardens "New" Cook Book to see what they recommend for temperature and cooking time. (This cookbook is perfect for someone like me that doesn't really cook. It even explains how to boil an egg.) Frying bacon: Medium-low heat, 6-8 minutes, turning often. I followed those instructions to a "t" and it was the best damn bacon I've had in a long time, if I do say so myself. Exhibit A (photo): happiness is a plateful of bacon

Coincidentally my students and I are reading Charlotte's Web right now. The kids are falling in love with Wilbur, the pig. I usually don't enjoy stories (especially movies) with talking animals. It feels so manipulative, plus it's downright creepy. But I'll admit that I actually kind of like this particular story, and it's not because I love pigs. I absolutely hated that movie Babe. But as we read this sweet little story about a pig being saved from slaughter, the students are coming to terms with the fact that pigs are ham, pork chops, chicharróns, and most importantly, BACON! (Now if you are an avid reader of this blog, you might remember my ode-to-bacon blog entitled, "Rock Bottom".)

Clearly I am not a vegetarian, but if I were, I'd be a really good one. I'm hip to the politics, I enjoy most vegetables, and I can't stand the thought of killing an animal myself. (Some say that if you're not willing to kill it yourself, you shouldn't eat it.) But, herein lies my dilemma. Meat is tasty. I can be put into an immediate food coma with a perfectly prepared piece of rare (yes, rare) steak. And don't let anybody tell you that any ol' piece of meat will do. I really do taste the difference with the organic, grass-fed, no hormones meat.

I'm sorry to say that as I read Charlotte's Web I cannot speak to the children on behalf of PETA or on behalf of the talking pigs of the world, because I'm too busy imagining the serenity and joy I will feel when I bite into that next perfect piece of bacon.

How to Crush a Child's Spirit: 101

If the Learning Annex ever wants a class called, "How To Crush a Child's Spirit:101", most elementary school teachers would be qualified to teach the class. Not so much because the teachers are squelching their little spirits (though I'm certain it happens unintentionally, more often than we realize), but because we constantly police the little buttheads that say mean things to other kids.

Yesterday at my elementary school we had our Holiday Sing-Along where all the kids pack into the cafeteria and sing songs. The day before the event, a boy in my class slipped a note in my mailbox to ask if he could bring his reindeer hat to school. I told him that he could wear it to the Sing-Along.

The next day he brought his reindeer antler hat with bells to school. When we walked single file down the school hallway, he proudly wore the antlers. A few minutes after we sat down he came to me, no antlers, and said that a girl in our class told him that the hat looked stupid. I felt the heat inside my belly move to my heart and begin fuming out of the top of my head. I was so mad, fightin' mad! But there's just no reasonable justification for beating up a 9-year-old girl when you're 44. So instead, I marched right over to her and said, "Did you say something unkind to James about his hat?" To which she mumbled, "I told him it looked good."

"Really?" I quipped.

Staring at me with wide eyes, she nodded.

"Well, we will sort this out later and I really hope you are being truthful."

I told James that I spoke to the girl and that he should wear the hat because it was FANTASTIC. He shook his head and never put it back on for the rest of the day.

Even though the girl later mumbled the obligatory under-the-breath "sorry" to him, I keep thinking about how James will probably never wear a festive holiday hat again because that mean little girl said something that just ate away a piece of his spirit.

We've all had moments like that, it's just so hard to watch it happen. Mine was when I was about 9 years old also. The prettiest and most popular girl in our church choir turned to me after a rehearsal and said that I sounded awful. I stopped singing in front of people for about 5 or 6 years after that. I was traumatized. Then I got the fever of 70's and 80's rock and I was back in business, despite the opinion of that nasty little church girl.

Kids can be so cruel. I wonder where they learn it?

Reasons Not to Teach First Grade

I never really needed convincing to NOT teach Kindergarten or First Grade. Just thinking about training them to wipe their own noses has always been enough for me to quickly choose an intermediate grade level.

The other night I had the pleasure of spending some time with previous colleagues that now teach K and 1st. After our conversation I can concisely lay out for you the Three Most Important Reasons to NOT Teach Kinder or 1st Grade:

3. Urine
2. Feces
1. Vomit

I know it sounds extreme to mention these unmentionables, but it must be done. For these three reasons ALONE, teachers should be paid better. Many teachers have swapped stories about kids having "accidents" where they pee their pants. But then...Jess told the story about when she was teaching 1st grade in Guatemala and one day a student said he felt sick. She encouraged him to wait until snack time to see if he would feel better, but he didn't. At snack time, she reminded him to eat his apple. Shortly after the apple, as she was starting a lesson, the same boy complained again about his stomach. By now she was starting to feel convinced that he might really be sick.

Just as she started to say, "Maybe you should go to the office and...", he had a projectile vomit - all over her. Of course she had no change of clothes at school, and of course, she rode the bus to her school everyday because she didn't have her own transport. It was a long day that day.

My pal Antonio told the story of the little boy that disrupted the whole class to alert everyone of his need to use the restroom. Luckily many of the Kinder classrooms have a bathroom adjacent to the room, so off went the little guy to do his business, until suddenly the dreaded, "I need help wiping" voice calls from beyond the door.

"You've got to be kidding!" (Antonio managed to keep this in his thought bubble.)

Painfully and reluctantly, out come the rubber gloves with a snap, snap, over each wrist. The rest? Well, I'll leave that to your imagination.

I think the boy's family got a call or note asking (pleading, begging) that they COMPLETELY potty train their son immediately.

Again, teachers are not paid enough for this kinda crap*. If you aren't going to pay these K/1 teachers more, then at least provide them with a hazardous waste suit/uniform. It would certainly make the job more appealing to me.

(*pun intended)

The End of the World...(and I feel fine)

The kids at school are all talking about the rumor that the world is coming to an end in 2012. I'm not worried because this job has me SO ready to sleep for a really long time. But then yesterday morning a kid walked into my class mumbling, "I don't want the world to end." I decided to ignore his comment, because after all, who am I to reassure him that it won't? I really don't know. And I refuse to be one of those adults that lie to children to make themselves feel better, or to avoid deep thought.

I did talk to my class about the origin of the rumor, but that was some fact-based information (totally within my jurisdiction) about the Mayan calendar...blah, blah. Personally, I don't worry about this kind of crap. It reminds me of the "Y2K scare". Some people were really freaked out. Then....dun dun dun...(-insert ominous sounding music here-), nothing happened. What's that you say? That's right, N-O-T-H-I-N-G happened. I got a laugh out of that, I'll admit.

I had to search to re-find one of my all-time favorite reasons for the internet. A few years ago someone sent me this animation called End of the World and I laughed over it for months, and showed it to all my friends. Unfortunately, some of those friends and I are not as close because if they didn't laugh at this I had to wonder why I was friends with them in the first place. My pal Shmange and I had a few good laughs over it. So, click on the link (underlined "End of the World" above) and enjoy, I hope (Parental Discretion Advised for Strong Language, Reg). And if you don't get it, WTF, mate?

8 Minutes

8 Minutes. My pal Jenny-Mac figured out that this is how much time the teachers at our school have to plan each lesson we teach for a day of elementary school. (On average I teach 6 lessons a day.) But I don't take 8 minutes, I do what it takes, which is much more than 8 minutes. What that means, however, is that I regularly work 10-11 hour days. I get paid for 7 hours. I don't get bonuses or comp time, or even a free cup of coffee in the morning. Why do I do it? I want the students to have the best I can possibly offer...and I really like working with kids. They are crazy.

Recently I got a cryptic hand-written note in my classroom mailbox from a kid. It looked kind of like this (wishing I had a scanner!):

"Thre was a flyd in th pllens"

When I first read this scrawl from the 8-year-old I thought it said, "There was a fly on the lens". I figured he was explaining why most of my students were distracted at the end of the day when their homework was listed on the overhead projector (thus the "lens" part). I showed this note to my colleague Donna, knowing that her 40 years of teaching experience makes her a master code-breaker. I knew that she could confirm or refute my attempt at decoding. I handed her the note and, without missing a beat she said, "Oh...there was a flood in the Philippines".

Yes, that was it! Turns out the boy has family in the Philippines and wanted to make sure I knew about the recent flood there.

The best part about this kid is that he always has a smile on his face and is an easy target for my juvenile antics in the classroom. And to top it off, just the other day I realized who he reminds me of. Seriously. He is Bill from the series "King of the Hill"! (but without the beer in his hand and the hair on his chest, I presume) He has similar mannerisms, speech patterns, and a general "happy-go-lucky" demeanor.

Sometimes, when I'm having a rough time of it, I just look at "Bill" and remember that it's all gonna work out fine.

After all, I've only got 8 minutes per lesson to save the world (even though that's twice what Madonna and Justin had).

Back in the Saddle Again

From the soundtrack of my life: "I’m back!" Back to teaching 4th grade, that is. I’m happy. I had to go through an awful lot in order to come full circle, bringing me back to March, where this whole thing started. It went something like this:

you're fired
no, maybe not
um…yes, you're fired
stay tuned, we may need you back
no, it doesn’t look like you’ll be back
ok, come back and choose a job, but your old job doesn’t exist
no, you can't have that job
oh, okay, you can have that job
hey, how about having your old job back?
ok, you can have it

But, hey now, I’ve got a job which is more than some people can claim nowadays. So I AM thankful. I actually wish I could just call everyone I know to tell then that I got my job back. But herein lies the problem. No one picks up a damn phone anymore. I can’t get anyone on the phone, not even my spouse. I have reluctantly agreed to text more often, but am I the only one that finds it exhausting? I have a keyboard on my phone for this very purpose, but when I’m trying to make plans with someone and we have to go back and forth five or six times, I can’t help but think, “This would be a 30 second phone conversation.”

Is it about being cool? I’m all for being cool. I was born cool. But texting is so Europe 2005. I mean EVERYBODY texts now, so it’s no longer a novelty. When a 10-year-old is doing it, it’s no longer cool. Driving a tricked out car can still be cool, precisely because a 10 year old can’t do it. My pal Jenny had a student that was texting in class all year long! This girl was assigned hundreds of sentences to write, recesses were taken away, but she still continued. When her phone was confiscated by the principal, her mom got her a new one, so it was back to texting. I had this girl the previous year, before the text explosion, and she used to daydream the days away. She was probably thinking about what she would text if she could. But I’ll tell you one thing, she still does not have a car.

I’ve come to the frightening realization that if I want my friends to know the good news about my job I have to: 1) post it on Facebook; 2) blog about it here; 3) ask someone to Twitter it for me (I’m not there yet); and 4) do a mass e-mail as a back-up; …but don’t call anyone for heavens sake!

So now that I have my teaching job back, I was thinking about more innovative ways to fire/hire teachers, and suddenly I got an idea. How about a game show for teachers? Winners stay, losers go. Since it's my idea, I think I would want to have a show like "Name That Tune" or a Karaoke competition. If you don't know the lyrics then a clown comes out and smashes a pie in your face. (The clown would be a different celebrity guest star each week. See pic for guest #1!) Then Governor Arnold would come on the giant screen via satellite and say, "You are the weakest link. You are OUT!" Then he'd blow you a kiss and say, "auf Wiedersehen", like Heidi Klum on Project Runway.

With this scenario there would at least be some bit of talent needed to stay in the profession. I know you're thinking, "Hey Sal, why not a quiz show since teachers are supposed to know stuff?" Simple: that's too easy of a solution. I'm trying to stay in the spirit of the public school system by keeping things aloof and illogical. Geeeez. Stay with me. (Is this the first blog of mine that you've read?) The music would be sounds of the 70’s and 80’s, with a little 90’s tossed in for bonus points.

The premiere show would start with me singing Aerosmith’s “Back in the Saddle”.
...I'm back! I'm back in the saddle again...

Cattle Call

Well, I got a job back in my school district, back at my school in fact. But it's not MY job. My job has disappeared with the idealist belief that small children should be in classrooms of (no more than) 20 students. Call me crazy for buying into the idea of smaller class sizes ("CRAZY!"). But this crazy fool thinks that packing 30-34 kids in a room to teach them how to read, with ONE teacher, mind you, is a bit insane. But that's the plan in my district as of now.

So about 2 weeks ago I got a phone call saying I am being "recalled" (like those painted toys from China) and I would need to pick a job from the current list of vacancies. They sent me the job list ahead of time to take a look. There is nothing currently available at my school so I made my list of priorities from the choices and talked to some colleagues to get advice. The day I showed up to "pick a job" was the most DMV-like experience I've had as a teacher. There were about 10-15 of us lined up in a tiny dingy hallway in our district office. The lady would call a name and that person would disappear into a room, then emerge with one of three looks: sadness, defeat, or apathy. Some people were a little teary-eyed too. Then the lady would cross off the job the person picked, but not announce what they picked, so we would all squeeze down the hall to try and see what job was taken. Then the next person would go in, and so on, and so on.

By the time I got my turn, all my top choices were gone. SURPRISE! But I did have one thing up my sleeve. Like a Svengali, I walked in, sat down and ordered, "I will take the Science position at my school." The woman was caught off guard and began to shuffle papers as I stated, "It's not on the vacancy list, but it is there, my friend, it is there. I have been informed by my principal, [name dropped here], to ask for this position." I was feeling pretty good about myself, proud that I had taken this bull by the horns and for once thrown THEM for a loop. As she nervously shuffled papers, the other woman at the table (we'll call her the witness, because I learned in business that whenever you have a potentially volatile situation, you never do it one-on-one), began to look me over. I could see the questions in her eyes: Was I for real? Who did I think I was, marching in here with my OWN agenda?

The paper shuffler looked at me, and said, "We have to wait until that job is posted. You will need to pick a job from the list." Ah, but I had one other thing up my sleeve so I responded, "My principal, [name dropped here again], is downstairs in the training and said to come get her if there was a problem." HA! I can play hardball too. Without wavering, her eyes checked with the witness, and showing no sign of fear, she said, "We can have that conversation later, but for now, please pick a job to secure a position, so we can keep this moving." I was out of tricks, no hypnotic trance or amount of charm would change the fact that I really had zero power in this situation. The irony is that she really had no power either. She couldn't just give me a job because I said so. Her boss would probably behead her for such insubordination, or send her to the basement and take away her Swingline stapler.

The people with the power were on vacation during this project of theirs. How convenient. Hardly a coincidence I imagine. Make a mess, then leave someone else to clean it up. But hey, that's bureaucracy in action.

I chose a job, then promptly told on her to my principal. She marched herself to the cattle call office and fixed it. I felt like such a helpless child. I miss the days of getting a job on your merits and desire, not because you were #129 on the list so you got to choose before #140. I miss the days of being promoted or given a raise because you are an asset to the company, not because you have a certain # of years of service.

So I am on board to teach Science at my school. Good News: No need to switch schools, I know the students and staff, and change will keep me growing.

Bad News: 2 days after I was called in, our previous science teacher was "recalled" too. I didn't expect that because I thought he was much lower in seniority and might not get called at all. Now I have his job. I feel crappy about that. So it's hard to celebrate. I just hope it somehow miraculously all goes back to the way it was. Anyone have a magic wand I can borrow?

Happy Father's Day

I don't understand Father's Day or Mother's Day or Administrative Assistant's Day (formerly known as "Secretary's Day") or Day of the Teacher. (I don't know why it's not called "Teacher's Day".) This idea of choosing one day to say thanks and fatten the wallets of Hallmark always seems a bit strange to me. Heck, every day is Teacher's Day and Father's Day and Mother's and Admin. Asst.'s, etc.

Yes, it's lame to say, "We need to appreciate all people everyday!", but you know what? We need to appreciate the people in our lives REGULARLY. After recently losing my job, I thought about all my colleagues in education that I appreciate. I try to be thankful for what I've got, but I don't think I express it very readily to the people that need to hear it. So here goes:
Jenny - you're the first to pop in my mind right now because you especially need to know what a powerhouse of a teacher you are and how I admire that! You also have a great ability to laugh at life and...laminate. Andrea - and to think I was intimidated by you when I first started working with you! Actually, there was good reason for that. You have your act together. And I KNOW this because you always say that you don't. You are always willing to lend others a hand and are an extremely thoughtful human being. Kathy H. - what a pleasure and privilege I have to come to work and have positivity first thing in the morning. Your kind, yet playful, words and your love for the children are never lost on me. Thank you for the work that you do. Mel T- we have been weathering the recent storm together, checking in with one another. I appreciate your confidence and your ability to "press on" even when the system gets ludicrous. I also like how you roll your eyes at the crazy playground DRAMA! Helen - my mentor and an inspiration to all. I can't write anything here that will encompass who you are. You just are. I will SO miss your classroom visits if I'm not back with you next year. You'll have to call me, wherever I am, and I'll put you on speakerphone! Greg - Mister Comic Relief with some sarcasm and fire mixed in. I worry about how often you say what I'm thinking. Your plethora of random trivia at lunch and your waving of the white slips after recess are unmatched! Chris - um, how much time do you have in a day? Wow, the things you do with your class! You have a wonderful sense of calm mixed with a great sense of humor. And, of course, Donna - where would I be without you? You have orchestrated a great teaching career for me so far! Ever since you got me to LE, you have been a great ally and presented opportunities that I may have ignored in the past. Thank you for your help and guidance. I appreciate you.

I appreciate so many of you: Eric, Kathy G., Pam, David, Leslie, Kim W., and frankly everyone at LE. I'm sorry for anyone that I didn't mention or write sentences about. It was getting so long! But let me tell you, I have sentences for all of you. Oh boy, do I have sentences. I might be moving on to other "pastures", equally full of cow patties and land mines, but I promise to keep fighting the good fight, as long as you do too!

Oh yeah, and "Happy Father's Day".

I Want to Be a Pirate

I'm weighing my career options and I think I want to be a pirate. Pirates get to say cool things like "argh" and "savvy". They also get to sail around the world. They get to drink anytime they want because (as the saying goes), "it's always 12:00 somewhere". (Though they probably don't care about that.) Pirates are obsessed with booty. Pirates have also been glamorized with the success of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. (And what's NOT cool about Johnny Depp?) Plus, I always loved the Pirates of the Caribbean ride at Disneyland. Piracy is also big in music, and I love my music. And look how much fun these pirates are having when they come together with music in this cool video called "You Are a Pirate" from the Icelandic children's show Lazy Town.

The only snafu is that there are NO job listings on Career Builder, Monster, or even Craigslist for pirates.

I know pirates got a bad rap recently with their kidnapping shenanigans off the Somali coast. But come on, they're pirates. Honestly, what did we all expect? I'd be a pretty nice pirate. I don't think I'd be into the kidnapping, killing, slave trade, or even the parrot thing. I'd have to have a sidekick that carries the parrot around. I think the sidekick would have to be a subordinate because pirates seem to be big on power structure and hierarchy.

I should probably grow my hair out and let it get all ratty. Then I'll probably have to wear one of those fake beard and mustaches, but it's tricky because to be believable it has to match your hair color. My hair gets lighter in the summer, especially if I'm going to be out on the open ocean, so I'll probably need to get a few seasonal hair colors for the stache/beard combo. I could wear the big hoop earring and the eye patch and I could get one of those long coats. Prince wore a hoop earring AND a coat like that in his movie Purple Rain and it looked cool on him. I wanna look cool too. In fact, Prince's whole outfit had a kind of "piratey" look. The poofy shirt, long coat, etc. Perhaps he wanted to be a pirate too, before he hit it big in the music business. Anybody know where I could get a suit like that? Wow, I'm gonna need to buy lots of stuff. Oh well, this shopping excursion sounds much more fun than going down to Banana Republic at the mall to get work clothes for some crappy corporate job. Wish me luck on my shopping spree! wheeeeeeeeee!

The Agony and the Ecstasy

The beginning of June is both jubilant and painful when you're a teacher. Here's the jubilation part: summer is coming! more free time, sleeping in, time for focusing on staying healthy and relaxing. The painful part: the final rush of grading papers, report cards, updating every student's file, organizing, filing, and cleaning your classroom. To top that off, I've been dealt the final pink slip. Oh sure, they can rescind at any time. But that's the problem..."at any time". I head into summer vacation not knowing if I will have a job in August.

Ironically, I got an invitation to lead some trainings over the summer. I said, "Sure, I'll do it, but I'm officially NOT an employee after June 30, so..."

I'm trying not to sweat it - trying not to feel like it's personal. I know, logically that it's got nothing to do with me. Funny. It OUGHT to! It ought to have everything to do with me. This job bases most everything on your seniority. You have to do something pretty awful to actually get fired from teaching. They can't just get rid of you because you're a bad teacher. Because of tenure, it's much more complicated than that. Well, I have tenure, and I'm a damn good teacher, but my neck is still strategically placed on the chopping block.

If I go out, I wanna go out with guns blazing.(see picture) I don't exactly know what that would mean, though. I just love the end scene of "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid". Unfortunately I don't have a place to play that scene out. As a teacher, I have to maintain the upstanding citizen facade...so, I can't scream obscenities when they take my classroom key or trash the district office on my way out of town. But, I could run down the hallway with staplers blazin' in each hand. Hmmm...I'll let you know how it all plays out.